Wednesday 21 September 2016

weep

My friend - Jeremiah Gentle is in France for his study abroad program and I stumbled upon his blog. Oh wow, this resonates with me so very much and I feel like he wrote something right off my heart - my heart of being abroad - and God's plan for me here. Give it a shot if you feel so inclined. Click here! 

Wednesday 14 September 2016

same old

In between classes-post-lunch, I have an exam but I don't want to do anything. So here I am. Waiting on my phone to download to the new iOS and just so happy from the korean food I had earlier (although it was overpriced).

anyway. I think death as morbid as it sounds is also surreal. and I have so much to say about it. but none of these words will buy back the time lost with grandma.

but the grand scheme of it all - for our existence - is to know that our lives are not our own. Luke 14:26 “If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. " I think I can confidently say that I do want to live a life worthy of being called His follower.

I am not there yet - but I will try and try each day. I've been trying to be more persistent. and ok that is all I have to say.





*hate in this context means love less.

Thursday 8 September 2016

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03Fi1VHiK8I?list=PLFrHDxoEf4t1m7HOJuqNhL3oVOjH52eR2]

"You don't have to ask for something that He has already bought for you -- faith has the ability to override the fact --
I saw that you couldn't get to the water so I got the water to you. Breakthroughs begin when your excuses end."
- Steven Furtick

Wednesday 7 September 2016


"You don't have to ask for something that He has already bought for you -- faith has the ability to override the fact --
I saw that you couldn't get to the water so I got the water to you. Breakthroughs begin when your excuses end."
- Steven Furtick

Saturday 3 September 2016

the party in heaven pt. 3 // c o m m u n i t y //

shout out to everyone who has been there for me. thank you for skipping hw time for me. thank you for the food. thank you for all the kind messages and the random visits of blotchy faced Eugenia. thank you for the prayers when I couldn't pray. thank you for the concern. thank you for crying with me. thank you for believing for me. thank you for the space and the understanding. thank you for fighting for me and helping me take this to heart, even when I cannot believe it, but "Jesus is, and will always be good". thank you for reminding me that He has never left.

most importantly, thank you for being my family and for constantly celebrating Grandma's life for me and with me. so glad that no matter where we go into the world, Jesus throws the best reunion parties and I will see all of your beautiful faces always and forever. so glad that Jesus chose everyone of you to be in my life.


community amazes me every. time. y'all are nothing but the best of the best.

the party in heaven pt. 2 // s h e f o u g h t //

I've spent my whole life, wanting to be with Jesus. But human as I am, the only way I can fully be with Him is to leave this world. I've had heard of people's passing, and felt at peace that they've had solace. But this time, it was time for someone I love to leave this earth, to leave this place of sickness and misery. I find myself not knowing how to let go and feel peace, and this scares me. I could not talk to God even though I knew he has made her whole and well. I just didn't want to be jealous that she is in heaven now and not here on earth. Clearly, I was not ready to let someone so dear go. With so much on my mind, I will try to capture the essence of who Inik was to me.

Over the recent years, grandma got really sick. Grandma was always strong, independent and kind. She raised 9 amazing kids, unique in their own way, yet so powerful in their own spheres of influence. Their successes were always celebrated and in return she too got to travel the world, see places, and proudly tell her friends that her kids are so successful. But she never knew that when she had to almost single handedly feed and send the kids to school. She worked hard.

Then we came along - the third generation. Oh so spoiled, both my grandmas would come to take care of every child that was born in my family. They fed us, bathed us, baby sat. As a child, I never made sense of anything or of what that meant to me. And truth be told I only got closer to her as her health started declining. Oh I can hear her nodding sarcastically at my jokes already but, in hopes of keeping her spirits up, I was constantly teasing her. We would have specially prepared guest rooms, but I would still sleep next to her on her bed. Whenever I wanted to hang out with my cousins and just sleep in the living room, she would look for me the very next morning. But those were Christmas breaks. Growing up, I only got to call her and see her once a year. Yet we got close somehow. She is funny, she is so strict and yet so kind. She is unmoved, stubborn in her own way, she is steadfast.

It struck me when I saw her burial. That whenever I visit now, Inik will not be in the living room lounging around or making us keep our bags. I would have to go to a hill to visit her. All I want to do now is put some flowers on her grave and hug my dad. As hard as it is, she remains a memory that is etched deeply on my heart. And though her physical presence may not be here. We celebrate her life and we are so blessed that Jesus has given her the invitation to the party of a lifetime and more.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."
2 Tim 4:7-8

the party in heaven pt. 1 // e u l o g y //










I will not say Inik left too soon because that would be selfish. Inik is in a better place now, she's well and she's whole. She is also with Aki and niang Jemat, but most importantly Inik is with Jesus. When Inik first got sick, I was sent to ensure she drank water, had meals and so forth. I teased her all the time, and she would laugh at all of my jokes, sometimes til she was in tears. She loves pork, and is picky with fish. She can be sassy and funny. While I know she carries so much, so much wisdom, so much love, so much experience, she also carried all our burdens. As a family she always knew the meaning of sacrifices and I don't even have to listen to stories as her life itself shows how much she gives for the happiness and success of others. I have never and will never think of grandma as anything but strong. She fought well and now she has finished well. Although her departure will leave us pain and much sadness, we also rejoice and celebrate her life today. One that I've been blessed enough to witness. Our pain and sorrows will be for this season, but may we find comfort in Jesus. I hope when we remember her, we also remember how to be strong, how to love ferociously, and sacrificially. But most of all when we remember her, and how faithfully she has been blessed, may we also remember Jesus is and will always be good.
***** 
Aku ngai nyebut Inik nadai terlalu awal. Inik diatu udah ba alai ti pemadu manah begulai ngau Jesus ba serga. Ari Inik mula sakit suba, slalu ku diasuh orang pulai ngabas ya ngau nyaga ya maya ku bisi cuti. Ku slalu nundi ya awak ka ya ketawa, kdg kdg ya ketawa smpai nyabak. Ya sigi milih amai nti makai. Ya sigi ngai makai utai bukai, mesti ka makai babi kicap ngau asi aja. Ya nyamai dibai betundi. Ya sigi rindu ka kami, ya berpenemu dlm myuh utai. Ya amat rindu ka kami enggau slalu mai kami dalam sampi ya. Aku deka seruran ngingat ka Inik sebagai Inik ti kuat, kering. Inik udah bendar belaban ngelaban penyakit ya. Diatu ku percaya ya udah gerai ngau begulai ngau Apai di serga. Diatu kami sigi sinu ngenang nuan ti udah nadai Inik, tang saritu kami ngau gaga ati ka ngenang pengidup nuan Inik. Taja pan aku bedau ulih nerima brita nuan udah nadai, tang aku amat amat bersyukur ulih begulai ngau nuan tiap kali maya gawai terutama skali gawai taun tu. Kami deka slalu ingat ka Inik, ingat ka penyayau ya ngagai kami. Tang kelebih agi kami deka slalu ingat ka kesetiaan Inik enggau betapa pengidup Inik udah diberkat. Awak ka ati senang ngau bersyukur dalam Yesus ari tuk, laban ea udah pulai. Awak kami tuk, ingat Inik, kekuatan ea, cinta ea pada kami. Namun yang paling penting tuk awak kami tuk ingat kesetiaan Inik pada Yesus lalu ingat Yesus kami tuk selalu baik ati. Selalu dalam ati kami selamanya.

Isaiah 61:3 Meri ngagai sida ke ngulit di Sion Pengaga enggau pengelantang, kena nganti ati ti tusah, Pantun puji, kena nganti ati ti sinu. Sida deka nyadi baka kayu Ti ditanam TUHAN. Semua sida deka ngereja utai ti ngena, Lalu Allah Taala deka dipuji ketegal semua utai ti udah dikereja Iya. 




Till we meet in heaven, meanwhile, party for us aight Inik?