volatile

oil prices are back up again! yay to the market - not sure if I should be upset or happy since gas is so expensive. it is the end of dead week and I've never been so relaxed my whole life. so happy to end junior year with one of the best semesters ever. bear with me here, I have many things on my mind.

known. 

I'm never grateful enough - but today I'm so grateful. the weather is perfect, Norman was safe, the flooding wasn't crazy. above it all, I've never felt so loved my whole life.

I've had people cook for me, ask me if I've eaten (numerous times), made sure that I wasn't hiding whatever was bothering, but most importantly, finding contentment.

I know it is not a big deal, but today I was walking into a study area and my friend who was laying his head on the table and he could literally hear me coming. Like he recognized my footsteps.

insane. To be known like that. Blows my mind to know that the number of hairs on my head are known too. Because I have a father who loves me so! whenever i feel down or upset about my situations - just the thought of knowing that Jesus got me covered. He sees my future. this in itself reassures me. the feeling of being known like that, is surreal. trust me. find a friend who knows your footsteps, then multiply it by a billion.

feels like someone understands you, your simplicity, your complexities, your hopes, your dreams, your disappointments, your capabilities, and your everything. to know that you are known. that in itself allows you to look forward to tomorrow, and tomorrows to come.

wow.

instant gratification.

gosh I don't quite know when to start on this! it's been tugging on my heart for a long time now.  we are so impatient! statistics says that if someone has to wait for 5 minutes on the internet, 90% of users close the tab or move to a different thing. insane right? what is 5 minutes you say?

but what a society we live in that just runs towards momentarily fixes. something that keeps you up for 6 hours. something that numbs the pain. something that lasts for a weekend. temporary. but instant. yet we go back to these temporary fixes - even if it costs our health, money, and is just bad altogether.

why do we settle for temporary fixes? why do we need everything immediately?

we settle for so much less due to our impatience. I cannot deal with a generation that settles for less. people who deserve so much better in life, yet settle for the momentary solution. in the process, they lose themselves, how they value themselves. then their insecurity brings about even more rash decisions that spiral into myriad consequences.

we do not need to lose ourselves, what we value, why we are different for the now. we need to know that the now is not always worthwhile. but how?

how do we slow down. we need to figure this out.