seasons

For the longest time I've been stuck in a season - or unable to differentiate from the seasons I'm in. I've had moments of victory, then I slip back into the fog of mistrust and confusion. Sometimes the cycle lasts longer, sometimes it doesn't. Either way, I find myself here.

I've had nothing to do, school wise, all Saturday. Well, I did, but I just refused to study or even clean. Yet -- just the mere fact of not touching a book made me feel horribly guilty. Which I refuse. I need to know how to rest without guilt. But I did not know how.

I know that I find myself here, but most times I doubt why I am experiencing what I go through. If its patience, perseverance, I just really need the strength. Some of my best friends in college have left, or are leaving in less than a month. Yet I am here, stuck with possibly more years of school (If I get into grad school). When these friends leave, I will eventually find myself gawking around finding the right place to feel comfortable, to be myself. To find community all over again, but an authentic, enriching community. People who make me want to be like Jesus every day.

So you see, seasons are hard. First was losing someone so dear to me. Then, having to say some goodbyes. But I will take heart despite it all. In Isaiah 43, Jesus promises to be with me through all seasons. Maybe I won't have the strength, but even when I walk through the fires, I know that He will be with me.

He promised he would.