#561 Self reflection Part 2

So I have come to it. What do I think about myself. Well clearly I let stress get to me, if it isn't obvious enough, if you see me after a race and the next person is 0.5 secs away I start to worry and think I suck. Which is so bad, and I tend to freak out in my head and I think too much. Yes thats it.

This year, I have done a silly thing.

Silly indeed, over thinking every. single. thing. Till it brought me to a point that I have my priorities all fogged and blurry, not knowing what really matters anymore. Its true when they say over thinking kills, not physically of course, mentally, slowly. It hurts loved ones and does uncountable silly things.

The only thing I regret so deeply, is not trusting God enough. With my life I mean. Not trusting that He knows best, and He has only nothing less than the best in mind. Sighs, hurting so many people in the process is so remorseful.

Thankfully and gratefully, the hardest part of 2012 is over. But then there came SPM, and I spent hours locked away in my room, apart from preparing myself to face the fact that my brother is thousands of miles away. Silly me again for denying that and actually thinking it to be a mere nightmare. Scarily, this nightmare became a reality for me. Ngeh, so easy to fake a smile so no one will know whats actually inside. And I tend to be so fake sometimes, ha, that is my confession.

So this comforts me so much. Knowing that every hardship and circumstances around me only make me who I am today. And that perseverance brings character. Hopefully, because God knows what He is doing. I pray everyday, for the strength to stay strong and to trust Him no matter how funny life gets and no matter how hazy things may be, how unclear chances are. I just have to pray for the faith of a child, that will believe just about anything. And I definitely need to pray for more discipline, to pray for others, and of course do my devotions everyday- not just when I'm free. Just because it's the least I can do. Heh.

Sorry, but thats just me, losing my brother to a faraway land has been hard for the family, this close knitted bunch of people we call family. Any hows, we survived. FEAR NOT, my 2012 wasn't so bad. There were many occasions, endless in fact, where I have to just thank God for everything nice and wonderful. Like getting the Selangor Olahragawati (which is the first I got besides school) and of course so many other running opportunities, open doors, and definitely walking me through SPM.


I still can't believe God didn't give up on me. BUT THAT'S MY GOD.

CREDITS.

xx