recollections of john 11

i was reading John 11 earlier and wow! i have never read it this way before. just as a brief background, Mary (Martha's sister) is the same person who poured expensive perfume on Jesus and wiped it with her hair. i know, so bizarre (especially for those not familiar with the Bible). with the little knowledge i know, the money Mary spent on the bottle of perfume poured out was equal to a year's of wages (estimated). Basically a lot of money. This is also the same sister that sat on Jesus feet and listened. anyway, they have a brother, Lazarus who in this passage has recently passed away due to an illness. so here is my thoughts on it.  

6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, 7 and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”
8 “But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back?”
9 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light. 10 It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.”
11 After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”
12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” 13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
14 So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, 15 and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”
16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

1) Jesus Waited

in my opinion, if people were trying to stone him, whether or not he went earlier or later, wouldn't have mattered. either way, he was risking his life. yet he waited AFTER hearing of Lazurus' illness. he stayed for two whole days. it doesn't add up, i mean, if you had a relative or a dear friend who is severely ill, would you not travel immediately visit him or her? does not add up because if you knew you were going to go to a dangerous place, why not do so urgently.

yet, this is where his ways are higher. he arrived four days after Lazarus passed. Lazarus was really dead at that time, and Jesus had a chance to resurrect the dead. one of the rare cases in the Bible where he did so -- Jesus is so so selective! yet, in his own way and timing, he came through. he restored FULL life into Lazarus. from being fully dead.

doesn't that tell you about God? gosh he never gives up huh? you literally are never too far gone, you can die and he can still chase after you. this eternal pursuit sometimes shifts my perspective to attempt to fathom the depth of his grace. despite the unpopular, snide remarks, Jesus knew that his timing was perfect, he knew that his Father would be greatest then. he listened. he obeyed. only then would he be truly magnified.

2) His disciples doubted him

as people hanging with Jesus you would think one would already understand him? yet the disciples questioned him, this garnered a parable like a response from Jesus. but if you ask me tbh, Jesus was probably sarcastic too at this point. he must be kinda tired of explaining himself to his closest friends huh? i mean, bro, he knew Lazarus died even when there did not have phone lines or the internet. how? only if he is God.

then Thomas of course, the doubter. whom in all honesty, I can relate to him. he is pessimistic and in constant disbelief. though he may be in perfect health, he said in verse 16 to 'we may die with him' to which sounds so morbid. seriously? someone else dies and you speak in such a manner. it is so inappropriate, yet, i find myself being like so. though it may seem different in front of different people, i want to believe in Jesus.

i want to believe in him and not strive, i want to hope that i can move mountains, i want to choose peace over anxiety, i want to be grateful when i am pessimistic.

3) Jesus is deeply moved

38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. 

Jesus wept, the shortest verse in the Bible, is in John 11. It's simplicity, in a two-word sentence, shows how significant it is. this verse catches me off guard as Jesus is depicted as someone who feels so deeply. AGAIN, i relate here, because I feel so deeply. often, i hate it because it makes me weak and vulnerable. it also cripples me from time to time. yet, Jesus was deeply moved by his friend's pain. and it shows how he knows how it is like. he knows the deepest depths of the emotions we put on. and so it showed me, how human he was. 

you know, today listening to John, I never saw Jesus this way. to me, he was a Sovereign power, but somewhat distant sometimes. i know now, that is a TOTAL lie because he is so close to your heart and your troubles. so that whatever life may bring, Jesus is stronger. you are stronger when your strength is found in him.