recollections of john 11

i was reading John 11 earlier and wow! i have never read it this way before. just as a brief background, Mary (Martha's sister) is the same person who poured expensive perfume on Jesus and wiped it with her hair. i know, so bizarre (especially for those not familiar with the Bible). with the little knowledge i know, the money Mary spent on the bottle of perfume poured out was equal to a year's of wages (estimated). Basically a lot of money. This is also the same sister that sat on Jesus feet and listened. anyway, they have a brother, Lazarus who in this passage has recently passed away due to an illness. so here is my thoughts on it.  

6 So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, 7 and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”
8 “But Rabbi,” they said, “a short while ago the Jews there tried to stone you, and yet you are going back?”
9 Jesus answered, “Are there not twelve hours of daylight? Anyone who walks in the daytime will not stumble, for they see by this world’s light. 10 It is when a person walks at night that they stumble, for they have no light.”
11 After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.”
12 His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” 13 Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.
14 So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, 15 and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”
16 Then Thomas (also known as Didymus[a]) said to the rest of the disciples, “Let us also go, that we may die with him.”

1) Jesus Waited

in my opinion, if people were trying to stone him, whether or not he went earlier or later, wouldn't have mattered. either way, he was risking his life. yet he waited AFTER hearing of Lazurus' illness. he stayed for two whole days. it doesn't add up, i mean, if you had a relative or a dear friend who is severely ill, would you not travel immediately visit him or her? does not add up because if you knew you were going to go to a dangerous place, why not do so urgently.

yet, this is where his ways are higher. he arrived four days after Lazarus passed. Lazarus was really dead at that time, and Jesus had a chance to resurrect the dead. one of the rare cases in the Bible where he did so -- Jesus is so so selective! yet, in his own way and timing, he came through. he restored FULL life into Lazarus. from being fully dead.

doesn't that tell you about God? gosh he never gives up huh? you literally are never too far gone, you can die and he can still chase after you. this eternal pursuit sometimes shifts my perspective to attempt to fathom the depth of his grace. despite the unpopular, snide remarks, Jesus knew that his timing was perfect, he knew that his Father would be greatest then. he listened. he obeyed. only then would he be truly magnified.

2) His disciples doubted him

as people hanging with Jesus you would think one would already understand him? yet the disciples questioned him, this garnered a parable like a response from Jesus. but if you ask me tbh, Jesus was probably sarcastic too at this point. he must be kinda tired of explaining himself to his closest friends huh? i mean, bro, he knew Lazarus died even when there did not have phone lines or the internet. how? only if he is God.

then Thomas of course, the doubter. whom in all honesty, I can relate to him. he is pessimistic and in constant disbelief. though he may be in perfect health, he said in verse 16 to 'we may die with him' to which sounds so morbid. seriously? someone else dies and you speak in such a manner. it is so inappropriate, yet, i find myself being like so. though it may seem different in front of different people, i want to believe in Jesus.

i want to believe in him and not strive, i want to hope that i can move mountains, i want to choose peace over anxiety, i want to be grateful when i am pessimistic.

3) Jesus is deeply moved

38 Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. 

Jesus wept, the shortest verse in the Bible, is in John 11. It's simplicity, in a two-word sentence, shows how significant it is. this verse catches me off guard as Jesus is depicted as someone who feels so deeply. AGAIN, i relate here, because I feel so deeply. often, i hate it because it makes me weak and vulnerable. it also cripples me from time to time. yet, Jesus was deeply moved by his friend's pain. and it shows how he knows how it is like. he knows the deepest depths of the emotions we put on. and so it showed me, how human he was. 

you know, today listening to John, I never saw Jesus this way. to me, he was a Sovereign power, but somewhat distant sometimes. i know now, that is a TOTAL lie because he is so close to your heart and your troubles. so that whatever life may bring, Jesus is stronger. you are stronger when your strength is found in him.

a loving eye

8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;

I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

it is great that amidst imperfection, Jesus does not demand a servile devotion. rather aptly, he grants free will; unbound by his fervid grace. if you ask me, the tradeoff is anything but cogent. yet Jesus chooses to avail when we call. he demands our all and our anything, in return; we walk alongside him. yet despite our choices that often lean towards ephemeral pleasures and solution; his audacious love never leaves, it never forsakes.

he is not fickle, nor is he capricious

our sins, no matter how small or how big, will not change his mind about me. he still sees me perfectly. how. crazy. is that?

when i am troubled, he sings and surrounds me with songs of deliverance. remember, remember, remember.

7
You are my hiding place;

you will protect me from trouble

and surround me with songs of deliverance.

Thanking your parents

Lately, Mom has been busy preparing for her church (mission) trip to Sarawak. So I helped by preparing meals. Earlier today, Mom thanked me for preparing the meals and her smile showed how grateful she really was.

And then it hit me. Who thanked her for the meals?

As a child, all I remember most times was complaining (or thinking) how dreadful it was to eat so much vege. How much rice I had to finish, basically, for every meal there was something I wasn't very happy about. Sad but true confession.

And so today, after 19 years, I finally realised how grateful I am to Mom for feeding us whether she felt up to it or now. So thanks Ma. For every meal you've prepared for us. No matter how much vege or rice you make us eat.

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"Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the LORD your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12 (NLT)

Ordinary

So what have I been up to lately? I must say having a journal really kills the joy of blogging. Public posts are not suitable for fully expressive thoughts, but still. Btw, I must confess again I don't re-read my old journals.

Anyhow! A little updates on my application. Earlier, I wrote about how my plans have changed and that I am officially taking the whole year off from educational pursuit. (Lol, I know you're secretly judging me for wasting my life, so read the post okay, I have my reasons). As of today, I've applied to four universities in the States. Two of them are top 75 in the world for general engineering, but all four are top in the States for Petroleum Engineering. So more choices for me! I've made up my mind on where I want to go. Just waiting for my offers now.

Oh yes. The wait. Is. So. Torturing. Really, I need my I-20 papers asap to apply for my visa interview. As much as I loathe waiting, time seems to be flying by. How ironic, but let me remind you, there are only 45 days till the brother comes home, 53 days to Christmas, 64 days till I leave!

So much left to do. So much to pack. So many people to meet.

I'll update once I get my offers :) But before it all that starts, I would like to talk to you about a book. My favourite one.

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I admit I'm not the holiest person, however I love reading Psalms. Its a book in the Bible. Sometimes I become too selfish and just read Psalms all the time haha, but really. When I feel down or upset. There are verses to lift my spirits. Often, I stumble upon verses that means so much to me. Undeniably, every Christian loves the Psalms, and I am not excused.

One of the verses on my app is:

 The Lord is close to all who call on Him,
    yes, to all who call on Him in truth.
 He grants the desires of those who fear Him;
    he hears their cries for help and rescues them.

Psalms 145:18-19 (NLT)

Over the past few years, I've came to know God in a very personal way. Today, I still hold fast to my beliefs because He never fails me. Really. I have no idea how many times I've drifted away from God. And yet every single time, He looks out for me and continually shows me how much He loves me. So overwhelming. I can't deny His love anymore. I've decided to believe in Him because He never leaves me through it all. Whenever you call, He's always there. He'll bring us out of any sticky situation. This ordinary life we have been given. So dull. Yet He cares. For every single detail.

I am still unsure where I will be next year. Plans are plans. But of this one thing I'm sure: My God never fails.

It is November already! Eleven months have passed, now go ask yourself how did you spend the last 10 months.

Till then! :) #np

Peace

Not the ones you dream off. The kind you need a getaway to actually feel. This peace can come any time, wherever you may be. Not inner peace from deep breaths.

But peace that surpasses all understanding.

These things I have spoken to you,
that in Me you may have peace.
In the world you will have tribulation;
but be of good cheer, I have over come the world.

John 16:33

faith at great risk

Yes, the title is from my ODJ. A little sharing of my devotions earlier today from James 1.

² Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³ because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴ Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Often, I ponder on God's logic. How can "trials of many kinds"be a joy? But then again, we all know that through failing we learn, through challenges we overcome. No matter how long the journey may seem, with perseverance, we will be able to see the whole picture of why these challenges exist.

Faith. Faith that God will see you through.

⁵ If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶ But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. ⁷ That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.

Verses 6 and 7 may be easy to read. However, looking back. I don't know how many times I've prayed not expecting God to come through for me. Lately, I've been guilty of the shopping list request. Demanding that God grant me this and that but never really believing. To not doubt is not easy - but when doubting God we seem as silly as a wave of the sea. Easily blown, thrown anywhere, tossed wherever the wind blows.

Despite the magnificent God we know. Why does doubt still exist? For me, it is the lack of faith maybe. We often want things to happen in reality - before our eyes, before we believe. But in Hebrews - faith is the things unseen. If God says He will give you wisdom generously, why won't you believe it?

Even as I prepare to embark on a new journey - of educational pursuit; studying something so technical sometimes scares me. No doubt things will be overwhelming; but will I let it get to me?

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Things to always remember:

• With God on our side, we will never be defeated.


• God's promises for us are "yes"and "amen" for the glory of God through us


• Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (we don't always have to see - God is already at work)

 Faith, got some? Enough to be at great risk I hope.

Isaiah 55:8

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.

Verses to meditate on

John 8:26 NLT
"I have much to say about you and much to condemn, but I won’t. For I say only what I have heard from the one who sent me, and he is completely truthful.”

Philippians 4:8 NLT
And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Hebrews 10:23 AMP
Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful.

1 John 3:18 AMP
Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

It's getting cold

The walls feel icy, and voices echoes through the rooms. The air is stiff. You can feel it everywhere, tension building up.

When did it start to feel this way? When did everything become so bleak?

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But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10