gratitude

grat·i·tude

/ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/

noun

the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

I am writing again. What a time to be alive! We have been 'sheltering-in-place' for over a month now and things seem to have adopted a new norm.

While things around, human systems i.e. the economy has been failing, everyone has been thrown off their routine. Suddenly, we are at a standstill. It is no surprise why everyone has questioned many things in their lives. What have we been investing in? With millions left jobless, maybe our careers we relied on were not as stable as we thought they were. But slowly and surely, humans are adapting, finding a new path to play small roles in ensuring the safety of all; that those sacrificing their lives fighting disease will not work in vain.

Amidst the confusion, and even now, transitioning into 'precautionary steps' to reopen, the verdict is that nothing will stay the same. There will be no 'normal' to fall back into. COVID has left the world to be a different place and it certainly will not be the one we know pre-COVID.

I have spent my days falling into a comfortable routine. I say comfortable not because I have certainty, nor do I have confidence in the future. But rest assured, with the roof on my head, food in my fridge, and people around me (virtually), I cannot complain. I have spent mornings sleeping in (occasionally), being productive till four to five in the evening, and then watching shows on Netflix. I have been putting together my Plan B, taking online courses, listening to e-books, working on puzzles, and checking things off my checklist. All in all, I've been able to consistently work out more than I ever have, and have connected with friends I haven't spoke to in years. Nothing to complain about, but everything to be grateful for. To be blessed to even get down on my knees and intercede for my family, for the hurting and the vulnerable.

To be honest, Jesus has been faithful and despite having a hard time being 'in' the word, I see him all around. His faithful hands have guided the right people to speak into my life and walk alongside me. It has been tough, not going to lie.

But I have decided to take one day at a time, step by step. I am sure that Jesus did not bring me this far only to leave me. Certainly, things will work out. I can only hope I can worry less and enjoy the process so that I can look back on this chapter in complete certainty that He has the future all along.

It is great to be grateful. But gratitude is fleeting.

I remind myself every moment, post-its all over my room. Reminders that this too shall pass. Reminders that He has seen this coming. Reminders that He will bring us through trials because it is His nature to love, and never forsake. Oh, what hope we are blessed with.

With regard to the news, controversies, and disappointments I have witnessed, especially with the reactions of friends, it is easy to be disheartened. But I think that the only response to the devastating news we are exposed too daily can be combatted with hope, in prayer. Even whispered prayers are heard. Now, more than ever.

So to everyone reading, hang in there! We are doing just fine and we will get through this. 2020 is not over yet, neither are your dreams, hopes, and visions for the year.

Psalm 34 (NLT)

A psalm of David, regarding the time he pretended to be insane in front of Abimelech, who sent him away.

I will extol the Lord at all times;
    his praise will always be on my lips.
2 I will glory in the Lord;
    let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the Lord with me;
    let us exalt his name together.

4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
    he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
    their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
    he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him,
    and he delivers them.

8 Taste and see that the Lord is good;
    blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the Lord, you his holy people,
    for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
    but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
11 Come, my children, listen to me;
    I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
12 Whoever of you loves life
    and desires to see many good days,
13 keep your tongue from evil
    and your lips from telling lies.
14 Turn from evil and do good;
    seek peace and pursue it.

15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
    and his ears are attentive to their cry;
16 but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
    to blot out their name from the earth.

17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
    he delivers them from all their troubles.
18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

19 The righteous person may have many troubles,
    but the Lord delivers him from them all;
20 he protects all his bones,
    not one of them will be broken.

21 Evil will slay the wicked;
    the foes of the righteous will be condemned.
22 The Lord will rescue his servants;
    no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.

good God

“If God is good and God is good to me, then I must fill in the gaps of all the unknowns of my life with a resounding statement of trust: God is good at being God. I don’t have to figure my present circumstances out. I don’t have to fill the silence left behind in another person’s absence. I don’t have to know all the whys and what-ifs. All I have to do is trust. So in quiet humility and without a personal agenda, I make the decision to let God sort it all out. I sit quietly in His presence and simply say, “God, I want Your truth to be the loudest voice in my life. Correct me. Comfort me. Come closer still. And I will trust. God, You are good at being God”⁣

- Lysa TerKeurst⁣

change

i've often heard of change being the only constant. i know this to be true. yet, each time a huge change comes, it hits me in the face. like relentless waves in a tide. i, who claims to know the constant change, am now swept away.

humans like you and me gravitate towards familiarity. what a nice word. synonymous to constants, quite different than change. i marvel at how strong the force of gravity remains - towards the search of what seems familiar. the search of a safe space to be who you truly are. the search of familiar sounds and smells. the search to find warmth in a person's smile.

constantly changing.

changing constantly.

i think, the understanding of leaning into not knowing. to enjoy the process. to never accept fear and insecurities. to live out of peace. overflowing peace that surpasses all understanding, even in the unknown.

change is constant, but peace is too.

2019

happy new year!

So excited for all that is to come this year. 2018 was not the best year but it ended on a good note. Started out 2019 with a trip to see my brother and got to spend the best time with people I love.

So thankful for how 2018 played out to be. Laughed with friends every day. Cried and was frustrated. Celebrated successes and despite it all, one thing that never wavered was the goodness of God to me.

i got one foot in the future, another in the past.

does that mean i am in the present?

why do i keep looking back yet force my feet forward?

too many questions, as to which i have no answers to.

who knows what the future will hold?

"men should learn how to cry, women have to learn how to say no."

i just wanted to say how much the title speaks. i was discussing some trivial matters with some friends and he taught me that it is perfectly normal to say "no" to something. People are people, and they ultimately will get over things (if they do not then lol, grow up right?).

but oh, to live in a society where we do not learn these things enough.

seriously, no one taught me how to say no in school/college/uni.

honestly, this revelation in itself is quite liberating.