gratitude

grat·i·tude

/ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/

noun

the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

I am writing again. What a time to be alive! We have been 'sheltering-in-place' for over a month now and things seem to have adopted a new norm.

While things around, human systems i.e. the economy has been failing, everyone has been thrown off their routine. Suddenly, we are at a standstill. It is no surprise why everyone has questioned many things in their lives. What have we been investing in? With millions left jobless, maybe our careers we relied on were not as stable as we thought they were. But slowly and surely, humans are adapting, finding a new path to play small roles in ensuring the safety of all; that those sacrificing their lives fighting disease will not work in vain.

Amidst the confusion, and even now, transitioning into 'precautionary steps' to reopen, the verdict is that nothing will stay the same. There will be no 'normal' to fall back into. COVID has left the world to be a different place and it certainly will not be the one we know pre-COVID.

I have spent my days falling into a comfortable routine. I say comfortable not because I have certainty, nor do I have confidence in the future. But rest assured, with the roof on my head, food in my fridge, and people around me (virtually), I cannot complain. I have spent mornings sleeping in (occasionally), being productive till four to five in the evening, and then watching shows on Netflix. I have been putting together my Plan B, taking online courses, listening to e-books, working on puzzles, and checking things off my checklist. All in all, I've been able to consistently work out more than I ever have, and have connected with friends I haven't spoke to in years. Nothing to complain about, but everything to be grateful for. To be blessed to even get down on my knees and intercede for my family, for the hurting and the vulnerable.

To be honest, Jesus has been faithful and despite having a hard time being 'in' the word, I see him all around. His faithful hands have guided the right people to speak into my life and walk alongside me. It has been tough, not going to lie.

But I have decided to take one day at a time, step by step. I am sure that Jesus did not bring me this far only to leave me. Certainly, things will work out. I can only hope I can worry less and enjoy the process so that I can look back on this chapter in complete certainty that He has the future all along.

It is great to be grateful. But gratitude is fleeting.

I remind myself every moment, post-its all over my room. Reminders that this too shall pass. Reminders that He has seen this coming. Reminders that He will bring us through trials because it is His nature to love, and never forsake. Oh, what hope we are blessed with.

With regard to the news, controversies, and disappointments I have witnessed, especially with the reactions of friends, it is easy to be disheartened. But I think that the only response to the devastating news we are exposed too daily can be combatted with hope, in prayer. Even whispered prayers are heard. Now, more than ever.

So to everyone reading, hang in there! We are doing just fine and we will get through this. 2020 is not over yet, neither are your dreams, hopes, and visions for the year.

grief

This excerpt went viral, and just thinking about the losses I've had in my life so far; I found this to be the most beautiful thing I've read:

I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.
I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...
I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. 

Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too. 

If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks.

make your pitch!

wow hello again. I am here. I have to be honest, 99% of my posts never turn out to be what I planned to write about. Nevertheless, I post them anyway. so here I am again. and I am trying to figure out how to "make my pitch" for last minute internship applications - before you blame me for the procrastination - it is a weekend and it will not be seen till Sunday evening. so sit tight and read thanks.

so here I am. wow, just feeling so amazed and surprised that everything amounted to this. that everything amounted to a single piece of paper with all your qualifications on it (your résumé). how did we end up to be like this? how did humanity mutually agree that this single piece of paper should determine your career path, or to be more dramatic, your life. a career is no doubt a major life decision because it paves your life. having a career that makes one miserable can definitely make his or her life miserable altogether. so, tell me, how did we resort to this? I have always thought that life, today, is absolutely absurd. we study and work hard for a decade to get into a decent university. then, we slave even harder and pay fees that our parents can never afford. in return, we get a single sheet of paper in hopes of finding a dream job. so honestly, why does it have to be this way?

better yet, why do people who study business end up in engineering companies? why do people who are doctors, give the years of studying to paint? why do lawyers end up making music? so where do I fit in then? will I ever use my major? so many questions, yet I have never felt so demeaned, to have to want to make my pitch in hopes that someone will offer me an internship or better yet a job.

humans, maybe we should rethink what our system is made off. how does a single piece of paper control our lives? in the mean time, since this system has been running the world for a long, long time, I will cease with my absurd rants and live with the system - till I find one that works better.


why all these thoughts? I am so sure, I do not want a job that pays me well. I want to make my pitch, but not to multi million corporate companies who couldn't care more for the world's problems. I want to make my pitch, to this world, and the precious lives it holds. I want to make my pitch to the poor and hungry, the unloved and the ones searching for the real meaning in life.

oh well, I think it is time. to stop procrastinating.

till then.

make your pitch!

wow hello again. I am here. I have to be honest, 99% of my posts never turn out to be what I planned to write about. Nevertheless, I post them anyway. so here I am again. and I am trying to figure out how to "make my pitch" for last minute internship applications - before you blame me for the procrastination - it is a weekend and it will not be seen till Sunday evening. so sit tight and read thanks.

so here I am. wow, just feeling so amazed and surprised that everything amounted to this. that everything amounted to a single piece of paper with all your qualifications on it (your résumé). how did we end up to be like this? how did humanity mutually agree that this single piece of paper should determine your career path, or to be more dramatic, your life. a career is no doubt a major life decision because it paves your life. having a career that makes one miserable can definitely make his or her life miserable altogether. so, tell me, how did we resort to this? I have always thought that life, today, is absolutely absurd. we study and work hard for a decade to get into a decent university. then, we slave even harder and pay fees that our parents can never afford. in return, we get a single sheet of paper in hopes of finding a dream job. so honestly, why does it have to be this way?

better yet, why do people who study business end up in engineering companies? why do people who are doctors, give the years of studying to paint? why do lawyers end up making music? so where do I fit in then? will I ever use my major? so many questions, yet I have never felt so demeaned, to have to want to make my pitch in hopes that someone will offer me an internship or better yet a job.

humans, maybe we should rethink what our system is made off. how does a single piece of paper control our lives? in the mean time, since this system has been running the world for a long, long time, I will cease with my absurd rants and live with the system - till I find one that works better.


why all these thoughts? I am so sure, I do not want a job that pays me well. I want to make my pitch, but not to multi million corporate companies who couldn't care more for the world's problems. I want to make my pitch, to this world, and the precious lives it holds. I want to make my pitch to the poor and hungry, the unloved and the ones searching for the real meaning in life.

oh well, I think it is time. to stop procrastinating.

till then.

flawed to perfection

Hi,

Let me be the first to say that the last couple of weeks have not been my "most spiritual" season of my life. I am definitely working on it but after what I've been through I feel like there was a reason for the lack of time spent with Jesus (as in reading the Bible etc). Don't get me wrong, I am still constantly talking to him and what not. But I've learned to grasp (maybe just a little bit) this faith thing. Wow, writing this, I am just blown away.

I am appalled at the many times I've tried to earn my "hours" with God. Calculating the hours spent reading or praying. Cause really, Isaiah 64:6 "All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away." We will never be good, or even come close to being "holy" enough for God. Sad but true. I would often think of how I was throughout the day and be disappointed in myself.

However, the word holy is synonymous with godly. And really. Me? Nah, I can never even come close to that. Wow. But I am constantly blown away by how God confirms again and again that with FAITH, he has completed us to perfection.

I've always imagined the flawed person I am as cracks in the pavement. Everyone knows that driving on roads like that make the journey bumpy. Jesus is the tar that is constantly making the cracked pavement smooth. Filling in all the cracks, all my flaws, taking my sins, and making everything perfect again. But think about this, if we are already trying to fill the cracks with something not as good as tar, it wears off easily?

I've been constantly reminded over and over that I should stop striving. Stop trying to be in control of filling the cracks with useless materials. Because I am a sinner. I will constantly sin. Regardless of how holy I aim to be. Because whatever Jesus did on the cross, it satisfied the heart of God forever. Yet, in the light of forgiveness - Jesus takes my brokenness aside and He makes it beautiful. No matter how many time I mess up.

Forgive my rants, but I think it is very much relevant to me. I know it may seem repetitive but Joseph Prince phrased it perfectly when he said "The secret behind every godly man and woman is their belief in the truth that they have been forgiven".

Man. I do not know what I just wrote, but I do know that Jesus calls us higher each day, to live to the standard of perfection that He has set. To acknowledge that it is possible, because He has completed us to do so.

Wow. Jesus. You are definitely my favourite.

781

Earlier this evening, Dad said something that upset my sister. No, it was not something as dreadful as her reaction. In fact it was so minor if Dad said it to me, I would have just shrugged it off.

But my baby sister is so used to reacting a certain way. I wouldn't call it a tantrum, but she throws one of these fits and starts grunting/complaining.

Mind you. She does this frequently.
Being the youngest and most spoiled - this kind of behaviour is usually excusable.... except that she has been doing so much of it lately.

So I told her off, told her to start acting like a big girl and speak with words and explain why she was frustrated.

She did not stop immediately, but eventually she grew quiet. Then, she left the room cause my other sister told her to.

About an hour later, she came in telling us she was going to bed already. She apologised and said "Sorry Jie".

Whoaa.

Okay, let me backtrack here and enlighten you a little bit. My baby sister is invincible. The whole too-cute-and-youngest-child-so-I-cant-do-no-wrong thing is really her. Anything she does is forgivable - hence she lacks the need to actually apologise for anything. If I remember correctly, she never apologise unless instructed to do so (or it is really her fault - she can't find a way to avoid the blame). So you see, she's always forgiven quickly.

But today, she apologised. To me. This can only mean one thing - baby girl is finally growing up!

Just had to write sorry, okay bye! :) Have a great Sunday everyone, God bless!

the unplanned gap year

Hi there you curious ones.

"Where are you studying?", "Are you still on break?", "What are you planning to major in?", "I thought you are going Australia?", "Aren't you suppose to leave already?" and etc/

Thank for flooding me with questions every time we meet up. For the convenience of me not repeating my story countless times. I am going to explain myself here. Worry not friends, I shall answer all the above and hopefully clear your doubts. (Not like you really care hehe) Unplanned gap year: I think my blog title really answered a few questions but I shall tell you everything. How I got to where I am today. If you uhm really still want to read more then go ahead.

8 Important Reasons To Let Go Of People Who No Longer Play An Important Part In Your Life

Read an interesting article earlier about letting go. (Read more here) Frankly I think it may be a little bit selfish to leave a friend just for the following reasons listed. However, no. 6 and no.7 really hit me. I think I am done trying to keep people in my life. Really. So tired of trying to catch up with people when they reluctantly make excuses.

So tired. Done trying. I'll just see who cares enough to stay.

---

 

"If someone truly loves you, cares for you or wants and needs you, the person will never allow you to invest disproportionate effort."

The recipe for friendship:

1/3 SELF-SACRIFICE
1/3 LOYALTY
1/3 REAL COMMITMENT

I was overwhelmed when I listened to the NLT version of 1 Samuel today. (Yes go listen to audio bibles on your Bible app or via online here) The friendship between Jonathan and David left me in tears.

In life, we have probably have had countless acquaintances, many friends, but how many do we consider our close friend? Or "best" friend.

Everybody needs that friend whom you can share your hopes and dreams with. The one who will encourage you in pursuing those dreams yet rebuke you when you are going down the wrong path. A friend who is there not only through the good times, but also the bad—through thick and thin. Someone who will stand by you (and maybe for you) when the world is against you.

It is true that the test of trials simply reveal a true friendship. It is easy because you rarely find that. The busy life of the modern society has left little time for interaction but more for "self-discovering" or in other words "me time". Friendship sometimes may seem like a chore. Often asking how a person is, bothering about their daily routines and little joys they share; friendship seems like a mundane task of always pestering someone and insisting on being in that person's life, just to show you care. And more importantly that you are there when they need you. Rare? Indeed. It is undoubtedly true that friends may come and go, but to have a lifelong, close, personal friendship is truly a great blessing.

Many years ago, a beautiful friendship was formed between two of the most unlikely men of their society:

Jonathan was a prince

A prince of Israel's very first King. Destined to rule in the event of his father's death - he had everything he wanted. He could meet anybody he wanted and chose his friends from the most valiant of princes. People of status and wealth. Jonathan was aware of the blessings he would receive if his father was obedient. Yet, he remained the God-fearing, bold, determined man that he was. A mighty warrior himself, Jonathan relied on God and trusted in His strength. For instance when he and his armour bearer were instructed, they both went up against twenty Philistines. This inspired courage in his father and the army which led to a victorious battle.

David was a shepherd

The youngest of the family, David was left to tend the sheep. He was a gifted musician, a wise and prudent warrior and also very good looking. But David too was destined for the throne. He was married to Saul's daughter Michal and this made him a prince and Jonathan his brother-in-law. Saul knew that if David was not taken care of Jonathan would never be king.

Despite their differences, "(ESV) the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. (ERV) He would not let David go back home to his father. After David finished talking with Saul, Jonathan developed a strong friendship with David." Jonathan realized that they shared much in common in the areas of courage, bravery, strength, loyalty, trust and faith in God. They had an instant liking.

David and Jonathan

Jonathan was willing to forego his throne for David. He loved David so much he disobeyed his father to save David's life. Often he would warn him before any trouble could befall on David. He would travel to see David and ensure that his loyalty was made known to David. Jonathan even made a pact: (1 Samuel 20:14-16, NLT) "And may you treat me with the faithful love of the Lord as long as I live. But if I die, treat my family with this faithful love, even when the Lord destroys all your enemies from the face of the earth.” So Jonathan made a solemn pact with David, saying, “May the Lord destroy all your enemies!”" By saying this, Jonathan knew that David's enemy was his own father - King Saul. Yet he made this pact with David. He even tried to reason with his father and defended David's innocence. Due to life-threatening circumstances David had to run for his live. Nevertheless from then on, they were separated but their friendship stood till the end.

Wow. There is much to learn from the friendship of Jonathan and David. They were both princes of Israel, one by birth, the other by marriage. Both were in line to assume the throne of Israel. Both were mighty men of valor and were respected and trusted by the men they led in battle. Each had accomplished great feats, relying on God for victory. They were zealous, driven, resourceful, courageous, bold, meek, humble and so much more. They knew and respected government, wielded authority, and served those under and over them. They were loyal to one another and to their king. David would never lay a hand on Saul even though he was given the chance to. He revered God's choice of appointing him as the first King of Israel.

In todays context, they could have been enemies and rivals, yet they set aside jealousy, resentment, bitterness, competition and lust for power (A THRONE HEY), choosing instead to become the closest of friends. They knew how and when to laugh, cry, show their emotions, share hopes and dreams together, thereby cementing their friendship forever. They were real men, who understood what it meant to lay down their lives for one another.

Wow, have you ever thought of dying for a friend? Even today, giving a lift, sacrificing precious time, going out of your way for a friend seems like a monumental task. What more to say dying for a friend? No exaggeration but sometimes I feel like people really take their friendships for granted. Selfish as we humans are we rarely prioritise anyone other than ourselves. Everything must have a benefit - even our friends. Really? Just because he'll be a worthy connection for future businesses? Because she can help do your assignments. Because you need him to explain to you that formulae you didn't really understand.

Seriously... how fake can we get? Sadly I've seen it. Heard of it.

How blessed are we if we ever are privileged enough to have just a small part of David and Jonathan's friendship. So much to think.

Got me thinking too - what kind of friend am I?

 

Articles referred to: RCG, FERVR

#571 Imagine dragons

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sENM2wA_FTg]

This song, reminds me of Tiff. My best bud. I miss her.

But school life is getting easier to cope with, all I do is study, not to brag, or anything, but only dumb people do that. Ha, not saying I am, BUT IT AIN'T EASY. I need strength, in everything I do. Only leaning on God. With all happening around me, people just dying, on the streets, bombs, murders. Got me thinking again, what am I living for?

I just hope the answer can really and sincerely be for God.

When it comes to these matters, there's so much to say, so much to think. And today I had a great deal of time thinking about it. The recent bombings in Boston, a friend's mom's passing (due to robbery Read more here) life seems so fragile. And in Psalms 37:2 it goes like this "For like grass, they soon fade away. Like spring flowers, they soon wither."

So again, I ask, what am I living for?

#foodforthought

ps/ family is coming over in 10 days!

#571 Imagine dragons

This song, reminds me of Tiff. My best bud. I miss her.

But school life is getting easier to cope with, all I do is study, not to brag, or anything, but only dumb people do that. Ha, not saying I am, BUT IT AIN'T EASY. I need strength, in everything I do. Only leaning on God. With all happening around me, people just dying, on the streets, bombs, murders. Got me thinking again, what am I living for?

I just hope the answer can really and sincerely be for God.

When it comes to these matters, there's so much to say, so much to think. And today I had a great deal of time thinking about it. The recent bombings in Boston, a friend's mom's passing (due to robbery Read more here) life seems so fragile. And in Psalms 37:2 it goes like this "For like grass, they soon fade away. Like spring flowers, they soon wither."

So again, I ask, what am I living for?

#foodforthought

ps/ family is coming over in 10 days!

What is real?

Devotions were rather intriguing today. Who I Am In Christ? by Neil T. Anderson was a gift from mum. Today's was I am a friend in Christ and they were explaining what a friend means. And how much Jesus is of a friend to us, the very best kind btw. And he what it takes to love a brother as a friend is to be real; hence he quotes "The Velveteen Rabbit"

“What is real?” asked the Rabbit one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside and a stick-out handle?”

            “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse “It’s a thing that happens to you when a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real.”

            “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

            “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are real you don’t mind being hurt.”

            “Does it happen all at once like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?

            “It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints, and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to the people who don’t understand.”

Plenty to ponder on.

What is real?

Devotions were rather intriguing today. Who I Am In Christ? by Neil T. Anderson was a gift from mum. Today's was I am a friend in Christ and they were explaining what a friend means. And how much Jesus is of a friend to us, the very best kind btw. And he what it takes to love a brother as a friend is to be real; hence he quotes "The Velveteen Rabbit"

“What is real?” asked the Rabbit one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside and a stick-out handle?”

            “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse “It’s a thing that happens to you when a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real.”

            “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

            “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are real you don’t mind being hurt.”

            “Does it happen all at once like being wound up?” he asked, “or bit by bit?

            “It doesn’t happen all at once. You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved, your eyes drop out, and you get loose in the joints, and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to the people who don’t understand.”

Plenty to ponder on.

#540 When life takes a turn;

hello again.

strangers, stalkers, wanderers who miraculously landed here. sometimes i wonder why i actually keep this blog. but i realised that not many people read, and to be frank, to me its a good thing. its kinda like how Tyler writes his letters to God cause this gives me space to let my thoughts out.

so anyways, the past few days have been keeping me on my toes. everyones emotions have been hanging on a thread. i'm proud to say that among us, i'm the most stable, or at least i keep my emotions in check. maybe thats because i really ignore my problems and things i dont like. somehow, it puts life's problem on hold. and now, i see it as something good. but i guess theres a limit to how strong i can be in masking my emotions. i mean if you're gonna lash out all your sadness with anger... i really dont know how that is going to solve anything.

really sometimes i really dont understand why things like these make me so worked up. i dont know why life takes a dangerously sharp turn too. but the only comfort i have is in God, and the He has made everything happen for a reason. yeaa, i know i'm a Christian. and yes, i have to be grateful, and i have to honor my parents, and yes, i have to always look at the positive things in life, and choose to overcome the bad things, to forgive people first, to put others first, to always respect everyone else.

but sometimes, the expectations of living up to a good Christian girl standards just too much

You can't define a person by what they show you alone. and i have to admit, im not very sincere in the way i act. i can smile all the time but feel so horrible inside. maybe its cause i dont want everyone to know whats going on. or maybe its because i dont trust anyone enough. but you can go ahead and call me two faced, i can't help myself. these days i really dont know who to trust anymore. really, thats why always having God by my side has brought me through the storms. and noo, i dont have a good Christian girl testimony saying "God touched me, now i love Him so much." YES, its true God touched me, but im a Christian because i believe with all my heart that Gods plans are perfect, not by anything else.

and that is also how i get through every storm that comes crashing my way.

yeaa right now it may be a really low point in my life, considering the pressure of studying, doing well and etc. but. i'll get through, i always do cause I have GOD.

and when problems are solved, it feels silly pouring your heart out and ranting to a friend about it. logical enough not to share problems eh? besides, dont be a burden by making them feel sorry for you, i believe you should bless them and be there for them instead, cause once again. life ain't all about you or me. its about our great big God who died for us. and us giving all the glory and honor back to Him who rightfully deserves our every breathe.

____

on the bright side, i had a great time in CF's farewell party today ;
although we may live so differently, hang out with different friends, have different hobbies, our love for God has made those differences be put aside. and these people are really like family. Love them to the bits, and nothing is ever going to change that ♥

CF FAREWELL 2012 @Vanessa's place. Unedited.

yes, i have concluded.
life has ups and downs.

i guess it the people who love you around that gets you going each time you fall down.
and God plays the biggest role in that too. its amazing how He never gives up on me each time i fail. instead He gives me the extra strength to face whatever comes next. well, i'm eternally grateful for that and i owe Him everything.

yes, when life takes a steep turn. we always have God by our side. don't you think so?

guess i feel a whole lot better now.
sincerely,
till next time

#540 When life takes a turn;

hello again.

strangers, stalkers, wanderers who miraculously landed here. sometimes i wonder why i actually keep this blog. but i realised that not many people read, and to be frank, to me its a good thing. its kinda like how Tyler writes his letters to God cause this gives me space to let my thoughts out.

so anyways, the past few days have been keeping me on my toes. everyones emotions have been hanging on a thread. i'm proud to say that among us, i'm the most stable, or at least i keep my emotions in check. maybe thats because i really ignore my problems and things i dont like. somehow, it puts life's problem on hold. and now, i see it as something good. but i guess theres a limit to how strong i can be in masking my emotions. i mean if you're gonna lash out all your sadness with anger... i really dont know how that is going to solve anything.

really sometimes i really dont understand why things like these make me so worked up. i dont know why life takes a dangerously sharp turn too. but the only comfort i have is in God, and the He has made everything happen for a reason. yeaa, i know i'm a Christian. and yes, i have to be grateful, and i have to honor my parents, and yes, i have to always look at the positive things in life, and choose to overcome the bad things, to forgive people first, to put others first, to always respect everyone else.

but sometimes, the expectations of living up to a good Christian girl standards just too much

You can't define a person by what they show you alone. and i have to admit, im not very sincere in the way i act. i can smile all the time but feel so horrible inside. maybe its cause i dont want everyone to know whats going on. or maybe its because i dont trust anyone enough. but you can go ahead and call me two faced, i can't help myself. these days i really dont know who to trust anymore. really, thats why always having God by my side has brought me through the storms. and noo, i dont have a good Christian girl testimony saying "God touched me, now i love Him so much." YES, its true God touched me, but im a Christian because i believe with all my heart that Gods plans are perfect, not by anything else.

and that is also how i get through every storm that comes crashing my way.

yeaa right now it may be a really low point in my life, considering the pressure of studying, doing well and etc. but. i'll get through, i always do cause I have GOD.

and when problems are solved, it feels silly pouring your heart out and ranting to a friend about it. logical enough not to share problems eh? besides, dont be a burden by making them feel sorry for you, i believe you should bless them and be there for them instead, cause once again. life ain't all about you or me. its about our great big God who died for us. and us giving all the glory and honor back to Him who rightfully deserves our every breathe.

____

on the bright side, i had a great time in CF's farewell party today ;
although we may live so differently, hang out with different friends, have different hobbies, our love for God has made those differences be put aside. and these people are really like family. Love them to the bits, and nothing is ever going to change that ♥

CF FAREWELL 2012 @Vanessa's place. Unedited.

yes, i have concluded.
life has ups and downs.

i guess it the people who love you around that gets you going each time you fall down.
and God plays the biggest role in that too. its amazing how He never gives up on me each time i fail. instead He gives me the extra strength to face whatever comes next. well, i'm eternally grateful for that and i owe Him everything.


yes, when life takes a steep turn. we always have God by our side. don't you think so?


guess i feel a whole lot better now.
sincerely,
till next time

#485 Distraction & Priorities

Where to next?

In the world we live in today, we find it hard to stay focused on what’s right. We tend to strife for things that will make us “happy”. The latest smartphone, Ipad3 or any other form of entertainment perhaps? This is obvious, as any student you ask today would prefer to go out rather than study. (Even though we are well aware of the fact that studying ensures a brighter future)

But what if the more you got, the more you would want?

I mean we are mere humans and we can never have enough. However, God has changed everything. Even today, we can choose to be contented, to be grateful and count out blessings. The fact that we wake up every morning should make us grateful. Our families and loved ones around us should be considered a blessing too, food that we have, stomachs that do not starve. Everything else. If only we chose to be contented today, everything would be so much different. I mean what’s the point of getting something just to be like someone else? God thinks you’re perfect already. Think you’re not pretty or handsome enough? Didn’t God say we were all fearfully and wonderfully made? He sees the heart, something the world doesn’t. So what if you’re not talented or popular enough? God’s plans for you are perfect nonetheless.

Jeremiah 29:11 ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So yea, I am on this journey of discovering His plans for me too. Recently, I stumbled upon the part in the Bible where it stated the fruits of the Spirit,  

Galatians 5:22 ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

And it woke me up. I cannot blame my situations and the people around me anymore.  We are all called to exercise the fruits of the Spirit no matter what. That is living up to His standards. Loving OTHERS more that yourself. This means, putting their needs, their priorities and their feelings before yours. Yes, it may be scary that God has his standards too. But we need to try before even saying it’s too high.  I think that fulfillment of trying to walk in His ways will make us grateful & contented whether we realize it or not.

Another thing that struck me is this verse (In the latter parts of the chapter) Galatians 5:26 ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. This has shown me about the way I live. I mean, I admit sometimes your family can get on you. But the way I react can make a difference. Oh and I’ve been spending too much time thinking about Joe Brooks lately. :/ Yea, till it worries me. I mean, so what if he doesn’t notice my tweet right. Have I put his recognition above everything else? Cause lately, I can’t do anything without relating it to him. Which is embarrassing. Sometimes I even read the Bible but still think about him. GAHH, IKR. I NEED TO SET MY PRIORITIES RIGHT. Again, gotta fix my eyes on the cross. Because forgiveness required His life, and His relationship with God, I need to know that He is more deserving of my thought & imaginations. He is amazing, I mean God. He chose to give forgiveness freely, to anyone who wanted it. That would be like saving up your whole life, to buy a billion Iphones & Ipad3s then distributing it to everyone who came. FOR FREE. Our God is quite cool eh? I think that deserves more energy, than anything else.

I’ve struggled to prioritize God as no. 1 and surrendering everything to Him. Pastor Rose said earlier today ”If we’re questioning God, we are saying that we doubt His plans for us.” And He says His plans are perfect, why am I questioning perfect? What can be more perfect right?

Sorry for the scattered thoughts. Its just that lately I’ve noticed that my devotions has been done out of obligations instead of willingness. Just needed a space to write out my thoughts. We’re all learning you see. :)  Anyways, Church was great today & it gave me a lot to think about. (WE HAD SO MUCH CANDY!)

Till then,

Happy going back to school, lovely readers.

God bless you all!

#485 Distraction & Priorities

Where to next?

In the world we live in today, we find it hard to stay focused on what’s right. We tend to strife for things that will make us “happy”. The latest smartphone, Ipad3 or any other form of entertainment perhaps? This is obvious, as any student you ask today would prefer to go out rather than study. (Even though we are well aware of the fact that studying ensures a brighter future)

But what if the more you got, the more you would want?

I mean we are mere humans and we can never have enough. However, God has changed everything. Even today, we can choose to be contented, to be grateful and count out blessings. The fact that we wake up every morning should make us grateful. Our families and loved ones around us should be considered a blessing too, food that we have, stomachs that do not starve. Everything else. If only we chose to be contented today, everything would be so much different. I mean what’s the point of getting something just to be like someone else? God thinks you’re perfect already. Think you’re not pretty or handsome enough? Didn’t God say we were all fearfully and wonderfully made? He sees the heart, something the world doesn’t. So what if you’re not talented or popular enough? God’s plans for you are perfect nonetheless.

Jeremiah 29:11 ¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

So yea, I am on this journey of discovering His plans for me too. Recently, I stumbled upon the part in the Bible where it stated the fruits of the Spirit,  

Galatians 5:22 ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

And it woke me up. I cannot blame my situations and the people around me anymore.  We are all called to exercise the fruits of the Spirit no matter what. That is living up to His standards. Loving OTHERS more that yourself. This means, putting their needs, their priorities and their feelings before yours. Yes, it may be scary that God has his standards too. But we need to try before even saying it’s too high.  I think that fulfillment of trying to walk in His ways will make us grateful & contented whether we realize it or not.

Another thing that struck me is this verse (In the latter parts of the chapter) Galatians 5:26 ²⁶ Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other. This has shown me about the way I live. I mean, I admit sometimes your family can get on you. But the way I react can make a difference. Oh and I’ve been spending too much time thinking about Joe Brooks lately. :/ Yea, till it worries me. I mean, so what if he doesn’t notice my tweet right. Have I put his recognition above everything else? Cause lately, I can’t do anything without relating it to him. Which is embarrassing. Sometimes I even read the Bible but still think about him. GAHH, IKR. I NEED TO SET MY PRIORITIES RIGHT. Again, gotta fix my eyes on the cross. Because forgiveness required His life, and His relationship with God, I need to know that He is more deserving of my thought & imaginations. He is amazing, I mean God. He chose to give forgiveness freely, to anyone who wanted it. That would be like saving up your whole life, to buy a billion Iphones & Ipad3s then distributing it to everyone who came. FOR FREE. Our God is quite cool eh? I think that deserves more energy, than anything else.

I’ve struggled to prioritize God as no. 1 and surrendering everything to Him. Pastor Rose said earlier today ”If we’re questioning God, we are saying that we doubt His plans for us.” And He says His plans are perfect, why am I questioning perfect? What can be more perfect right?

Sorry for the scattered thoughts. Its just that lately I’ve noticed that my devotions has been done out of obligations instead of willingness. Just needed a space to write out my thoughts. We’re all learning you see. :)  Anyways, Church was great today & it gave me a lot to think about. (WE HAD SO MUCH CANDY!)

Till then,

Happy going back to school, lovely readers.

God bless you all!