the party in heaven pt. 2 // s h e f o u g h t //

I've spent my whole life, wanting to be with Jesus. But human as I am, the only way I can fully be with Him is to leave this world. I've had heard of people's passing, and felt at peace that they've had solace. But this time, it was time for someone I love to leave this earth, to leave this place of sickness and misery. I find myself not knowing how to let go and feel peace, and this scares me. I could not talk to God even though I knew he has made her whole and well. I just didn't want to be jealous that she is in heaven now and not here on earth. Clearly, I was not ready to let someone so dear go. With so much on my mind, I will try to capture the essence of who Inik was to me.

Over the recent years, grandma got really sick. Grandma was always strong, independent and kind. She raised 9 amazing kids, unique in their own way, yet so powerful in their own spheres of influence. Their successes were always celebrated and in return she too got to travel the world, see places, and proudly tell her friends that her kids are so successful. But she never knew that when she had to almost single handedly feed and send the kids to school. She worked hard.

Then we came along - the third generation. Oh so spoiled, both my grandmas would come to take care of every child that was born in my family. They fed us, bathed us, baby sat. As a child, I never made sense of anything or of what that meant to me. And truth be told I only got closer to her as her health started declining. Oh I can hear her nodding sarcastically at my jokes already but, in hopes of keeping her spirits up, I was constantly teasing her. We would have specially prepared guest rooms, but I would still sleep next to her on her bed. Whenever I wanted to hang out with my cousins and just sleep in the living room, she would look for me the very next morning. But those were Christmas breaks. Growing up, I only got to call her and see her once a year. Yet we got close somehow. She is funny, she is so strict and yet so kind. She is unmoved, stubborn in her own way, she is steadfast.

It struck me when I saw her burial. That whenever I visit now, Inik will not be in the living room lounging around or making us keep our bags. I would have to go to a hill to visit her. All I want to do now is put some flowers on her grave and hug my dad. As hard as it is, she remains a memory that is etched deeply on my heart. And though her physical presence may not be here. We celebrate her life and we are so blessed that Jesus has given her the invitation to the party of a lifetime and more.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing."
2 Tim 4:7-8