Thursday, 11 May 2017

torn

current state: in the midst of the mess of packing
worst nightmare: happened twice today - misplaced passport & SSN [found both]
internship snagged: 2, 1, 0

After buying my flight tickets home, I met someone who was really interested in offering me an internship here in Norman. He also said that he had internationals working with them - it was for a software company that programs energy processes. Whoa. And here I am, not even getting a proper reply from PETRONAS. I CAN'T. I am flying home for this opportunity or possible opportunity. I am furious. Seriously, I have been e-mailing this HR person since March 30th, it is May 11th now, one month and 11 days has past and since then I have been running around like a maniac editing and getting the 'proper' documents for her. And she always has minor edits or what nots. The process is tedious and endless. She is not thorough, or the person who 'processes' the report just seriously hates me. Like who does PETRONAS even employ seriously?

But that could be the way of life back home - oh I surely hope not but that may be a norm. What if I'm so used to this system? The way people think here? Because I don't know if I can actually deal with such a backward mentality. Not trying to say I'm better than anyone else - I just believe that everyone should have a level of professionalism that garners enough respect for everyone.

And the funny thing is this, while I was looking for my SSN a friend told me to ask my parents for it. It really hit home. Because I take care of my own documents now. But do you know what is worse though? Packing and leaving. But it gets worse, coming back here after the summer.

I do not know if anyone can feel so torn. but I do. I feel so torn, I do not know where home is anymore. will I ever find it?

Someday, some way, surely I must.

Sunday, 30 April 2017

Spring 2017

And just like that, the semester is wrapping up. Not a single decent blog post. Of course, it is a Sunday and the sermon just resonates with the season I am currently in. Not a very easy one, but oh man, is there a situation in life that you face, and the Bible does not have an answer for?
I remember these verses when I was running. Running with too many injuries and expectations to perform well. Well, what's changed now right? 
He still remains. Faithful. I'm thankful He never leaves me. Thankful for seasons of learning to build character. Because honestly, I am probably the biggest WIP.

Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.  
We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  
And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  
And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.   
Romans 5:2-5 (NLT)

WIP - Work in Progress

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Psalms 23 (TPT)

God is my Best friend and my Shepherd. 
I always have more than enough.
He offers a resting place for me 
In His luxurious love.
His tracks take me to the quiet brooks of bliss, 
The oasis of peace.
That’s where He restores and revives my life.
He opens before me the pathways to God’s pleasure,
Leading me along in His footsteps of righteousness,
So that I can bring honor to His Name.
Lord, even when Your path takes me through 
The valley of deepest darkness
Fear will never conquer me, for You already have!
You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.
Your authority is my strength and my peace.
The comfort of Your love takes away my fear. 
I’ll never be lonely for You are near. 
You become my delicious feast 
Even when my enemies dare to fight.
You anoint me with the fragrance of Your Holy Spirit, 
You give me all I can drink of You until my heart overflows.
So why would I fear the future? 
For I’m being pursued only by 
Your goodness and unfailing love!
Then afterwards— when my life is through
I’ll return to Your glorious presence 
To be forever with You!

Saturday, 14 January 2017

p r o m i s e d 2 0 1 6

Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her! 
— Luke 1:45

Wow so another year has just passed by. And we are at the very last days of 2016. As I bid 2016 good bye, I would like to continue this tradition of making a final blog post of the year. So here goes. Well maybe a little too late since i've postponed this post for the longest time.

I stayed up last night thinking. This past year has been scattered for me. I find myself in places i've never been, unable to navigate my feelings and emotions. I would admit that I allowed my emotions and feelings for get the better of me so many times. So much grace was necessary especially towards the latter part of the year when Grandma passed away. I was a literal blur for the rest of the year.

But by God's grace and mercy He never left my side through it all. And even when i'm so far away from family, He has comforted me. Every night. Every time "I couldn't do it". Maybe you're thinking, "my grandma passed away" was probably the worst excuse to give for not being able to function optimumly. But sadly, it has left me a little disshevelled I would say. Even fending with school was hard.

But that is not what I came to talk about. I came to talk about how God's love overwhelmed me last night as I reflected. Looking how far i've actually been is surreal.

A few years ago, before embarking on pursuit of my degree, Jesus so tenderly and lovingly promised me that he will bring me through it all. By God's grace I am here today. He has pulled through when circumstances said otherwise. When finances was the biggest obstruction. Regardless. Jesus never breaks his promise. And over the years, i've learned more and more to believe. That i'm worthy of being promised to. Worthy of being loved. Worthy of the mercy and grace given.

So many days I don't feel that way. I feel like the biggest sinner on the planet. Yet even in those days God's unwavering love remains faithful.

And that is what makes me come undone. Totally undone.

With that, I am so ready for this new term. I will have my hardest classes this year. But I think this is where I have faith that I can attain wisdom and grace for the season. Jesus is, and always will be good. Regardless of my circumstances and my inadequacy.

Here is to another year of faith. A year of dismissing the feeling of unworthiness. Inadequacy. Because who am I kidding? I am in the hands of the bestest friend I know who happens to know very well how this world runs ;)

Here is to adventures with you, Jesus.






read my 2015 post here