current state: in the midst of the mess of packing
worst nightmare: happened twice today - misplaced passport & SSN [found both]
internship snagged: 2, 1, 0
After buying my flight tickets home, I met someone who was really interested in offering me an internship here in Norman. He also said that he had internationals working with them - it was for a software company that programs energy processes. Whoa. And here I am, not even getting a proper reply from PETRONAS. I CAN'T. I am flying home for this opportunity or possible opportunity. I am furious. Seriously, I have been e-mailing this HR person since March 30th, it is May 11th now, one month and 11 days has past and since then I have been running around like a maniac editing and getting the 'proper' documents for her. And she always has minor edits or what nots. The process is tedious and endless. She is not thorough, or the person who 'processes' the report just seriously hates me. Like who does PETRONAS even employ seriously?
But that could be the way of life back home - oh I surely hope not but that may be a norm. What if I'm so used to this system? The way people think here? Because I don't know if I can actually deal with such a backward mentality. Not trying to say I'm better than anyone else - I just believe that everyone should have a level of professionalism that garners enough respect for everyone.
And the funny thing is this, while I was looking for my SSN a friend told me to ask my parents for it. It really hit home. Because I take care of my own documents now. But do you know what is worse though? Packing and leaving. But it gets worse, coming back here after the summer.
I do not know if anyone can feel so torn. but I do. I feel so torn, I do not know where home is anymore. will I ever find it?
Someday, some way, surely I must.
Sunday, 30 April 2017
Wednesday, 5 April 2017
God is my Best friend and my Shepherd.
I always have more than enough.
He offers a resting place for me
In His luxurious love.
His tracks take me to the quiet brooks of bliss,
The oasis of peace.
That’s where He restores and revives my life.
He opens before me the pathways to God’s pleasure,
Leading me along in His footsteps of righteousness,
So that I can bring honor to His Name.
Lord, even when Your path takes me through
The valley of deepest darkness
Fear will never conquer me, for You already have!
You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.
Your authority is my strength and my peace.
The comfort of Your love takes away my fear.
I’ll never be lonely for You are near.
You become my delicious feast
Even when my enemies dare to fight.
You anoint me with the fragrance of Your Holy Spirit,
You give me all I can drink of You until my heart overflows.
So why would I fear the future?
For I’m being pursued only by
Your goodness and unfailing love!
Then afterwards— when my life is through
I’ll return to Your glorious presence
To be forever with You!
Saturday, 14 January 2017
Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her!
— Luke 1:45
Wow so another year has just passed by. And we are at the very last days of 2016. As I bid 2016 good bye, I would like to continue this tradition of making a final blog post of the year. So here goes. Well maybe a little too late since i've postponed this post for the longest time.
I stayed up last night thinking. This past year has been scattered for me. I find myself in places i've never been, unable to navigate my feelings and emotions. I would admit that I allowed my emotions and feelings for get the better of me so many times. So much grace was necessary especially towards the latter part of the year when Grandma passed away. I was a literal blur for the rest of the year.
But by God's grace and mercy He never left my side through it all. And even when i'm so far away from family, He has comforted me. Every night. Every time "I couldn't do it". Maybe you're thinking, "my grandma passed away" was probably the worst excuse to give for not being able to function optimumly. But sadly, it has left me a little disshevelled I would say. Even fending with school was hard.
But that is not what I came to talk about. I came to talk about how God's love overwhelmed me last night as I reflected. Looking how far i've actually been is surreal.
A few years ago, before embarking on pursuit of my degree, Jesus so tenderly and lovingly promised me that he will bring me through it all. By God's grace I am here today. He has pulled through when circumstances said otherwise. When finances was the biggest obstruction. Regardless. Jesus never breaks his promise. And over the years, i've learned more and more to believe. That i'm worthy of being promised to. Worthy of being loved. Worthy of the mercy and grace given.
So many days I don't feel that way. I feel like the biggest sinner on the planet. Yet even in those days God's unwavering love remains faithful.
And that is what makes me come undone. Totally undone.
With that, I am so ready for this new term. I will have my hardest classes this year. But I think this is where I have faith that I can attain wisdom and grace for the season. Jesus is, and always will be good. Regardless of my circumstances and my inadequacy.
Here is to another year of faith. A year of dismissing the feeling of unworthiness. Inadequacy. Because who am I kidding? I am in the hands of the bestest friend I know who happens to know very well how this world runs ;)
Here is to adventures with you, Jesus.
read my 2015 post here