Thoughts

let me tell you a story.

This past week has been so difficult for me because I've had to face things no girl should ever face. Okay fine, this may sound melodramatic, I'll stop.

But let me tell you, before I start, that if you can relate to this, you should know that you can come to a place that is set higher and chose to speak life and peace into your circumstances.

So, a friend told me that I could live with her for the summer. It wasn't till later on that I found out that the person will not be in town till a week or so after my contract ended. Ok, so whatever, cause someone offered me their couch. And that was enough. Somehow deep inside I had a feeling that it wouldn't work out. And so Sunday came along, I had no place to go. I called my cell leader just hours before, explained my situation and she said I could stay. So that was that. 

I've been trying to call the person to see if I still could live with her for the rest of the summer. But somehow I just felt like, meh. It didn't work out, why should I keep trying. I was upset already. Because let me tell you something:

Being homeless sucks. Depending on others sucks. Relying on someone else (other than family) it's not cool. Always asking for rides and favours you know you cannot repay. 

To be honest I wasn't even pms-ing. I guess the feeling of not having a place to stay in a foreign land really got to me. I don't even know why.. But whatever the excuse, I was sad. Feeling so let down. Not cool I tell you. On top of that I kept missing Skype or FaceTime dates. 

Let me where I am at now. This past Sunday I went out for prayers, and whatever pride I had I didn't care. I just went out and told my frustrations, basically how I wished I was home - and things would be less complicated. I literally bawled. Which was a little bit embarrassing but no pride hey. Through that prayer, I felt my heavy heart slowly becoming lighter and lighter. By the time I got back to my seat I was so light. I felt free and it has been quite some time since I felt that way.

To be honest, I purposed in my heart to forgive, forget and let it be the past. But honestly, let me be frank and tell you that my initial trust can never be restored. I guess I really just need Jesus to teach me how to trust and start new again. 
I mean one step at a time? I am so grateful that I got to a point where I can look at the situation from a higher point. I am blessed to be able to stand on a rock that is higher than I. I pray with all my heart that I will be able to be genuine and loving and just so forgiving in future circumstances.
Here's to new family and learning to grow!