seasons

grateful for this season and for the people who have stuck with me - by my side through it all. feeling so grateful that Jesus has placed the people I know today in my life for a reason.

sticky, sticky times, but as always, He remains faithful, now more than ever. and grateful that He has set eternity in our hearts, and that He sees the end from the beginning.

Thanksgiving 2015

So relevant magazine seems to constantly appear on my blog posts. I don't have much to say about thanksgiving - it is all in my journal. But this article summed up what I'm feeling. Worth your 5 minutes :)

This Thanksgiving,
may you and I be challenged to trust God more,
to believe Him better,
and to know Him deeper.
His heart is good,
His love is pure,
His plans are magnificent.
Whether we feel it or not, it doesn’t cease to be true.
May you be challenged to be more than thankful this holiday season…
as you lay down your pain and problems at His feet–and choose to trust Him again.
Grace and peace to you, dear one, as you learn to rest in the arms of a loving God.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 'Give Thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Jesus.'

Source: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/when-its-hard-be-thankful

Selah

  
#nofilter

Genesis 2:1-3:Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
So grateful for a long weekend. A getaway from school. Grateful that I did not stay in my room doing homework or trying to study. I actually managed to forget about homework, not worry, and just let go. I need that peace everyday! *note to self* Thankful that I had the chance to be with people whom I've barely known for a year - but feel like family already. I honestly do not know how God is this generous. Days like these don't come often, but I know that I can look back and remind myself of God's goodness.

Well. School really starts now. Test,s quizzes and what nots. Yet. I am eternally grateful to be called higher, to depend more and more on His strength. 

Thoughts

let me tell you a story.

This past week has been so difficult for me because I've had to face things no girl should ever face. Okay fine, this may sound melodramatic, I'll stop.

But let me tell you, before I start, that if you can relate to this, you should know that you can come to a place that is set higher and chose to speak life and peace into your circumstances.

So, a friend told me that I could live with her for the summer. It wasn't till later on that I found out that the person will not be in town till a week or so after my contract ended. Ok, so whatever, cause someone offered me their couch. And that was enough. Somehow deep inside I had a feeling that it wouldn't work out. And so Sunday came along, I had no place to go. I called my cell leader just hours before, explained my situation and she said I could stay. So that was that. 

I've been trying to call the person to see if I still could live with her for the rest of the summer. But somehow I just felt like, meh. It didn't work out, why should I keep trying. I was upset already. Because let me tell you something:

Being homeless sucks. Depending on others sucks. Relying on someone else (other than family) it's not cool. Always asking for rides and favours you know you cannot repay. 

To be honest I wasn't even pms-ing. I guess the feeling of not having a place to stay in a foreign land really got to me. I don't even know why.. But whatever the excuse, I was sad. Feeling so let down. Not cool I tell you. On top of that I kept missing Skype or FaceTime dates. 

Let me where I am at now. This past Sunday I went out for prayers, and whatever pride I had I didn't care. I just went out and told my frustrations, basically how I wished I was home - and things would be less complicated. I literally bawled. Which was a little bit embarrassing but no pride hey. Through that prayer, I felt my heavy heart slowly becoming lighter and lighter. By the time I got back to my seat I was so light. I felt free and it has been quite some time since I felt that way.

To be honest, I purposed in my heart to forgive, forget and let it be the past. But honestly, let me be frank and tell you that my initial trust can never be restored. I guess I really just need Jesus to teach me how to trust and start new again. 
I mean one step at a time? I am so grateful that I got to a point where I can look at the situation from a higher point. I am blessed to be able to stand on a rock that is higher than I. I pray with all my heart that I will be able to be genuine and loving and just so forgiving in future circumstances.
Here's to new family and learning to grow!

Kendra turns 19





Today would not have happened without:

German Chocolate cupcakes - courtesy of Crimson and Cream (so good)

Laura - brought party hats for everyone and a tiara for the Birthday girl! :)

Last but not least - mastermind behind everything. Nosi! She planned and made tonight happened. So blessed and thankful for this year wonderful lady ❤️


This is Kendra. I met her barely 3 months ago but I love her so much already. In many ways she has been such a blessing to me. She has been like my "little" sister - no I'm kidding. But her love for God inspires to always pursue God with all my heart.
From my brief friendship with Kendra I can say this about her.
Kendra is kind, she is determined- to love God and love others. Kendra is full of joy and caring. But most of all Kendra's child like faith and love for God is extraordinary.
Happy 19th birthday, to this wonderful life I have a privilege to be a part of.
Love you Kendra Sy!

Phenomenal

(photo credits: theworshipproject.co)

so I just had to blog. It's 230am and I just had IHOP for the first time! Yeah Murica. Also, I've just had the best day yet. 

Started off the day asking God for favor when we met with the bursar to try to waive our late charges. After class I headed over and kept asking God for favor. True enough when we met with Miss Janice, she immediately waived the charges and got our receipts in a second. I barely needed to explain why I needed the charges waived. I was so happy and shocked at how smooth the whole process went. Finally being able to pay fees was a huge relief off of my back. And on top of that, in faith I went to the bank the day before and took out the exact balance without the extra 1.5% and if they didn't waive it I would have to make another trip to Chase. Wow.

Then I went to the bookstore and got a shirt that was wrongly priced - but I got it for the cheaper price anyways! :) :)

But to top it all off - Encounter tonight was PHENOMENAL. No other word to describe what just happened. We spent the few hours soaking, prophesying and ministering into each other. Oh so powerful. God keeps reminding me how He has taken care of me throughout my high school/running days and He'll do the same here. Afterwards Rin and Chad prayed over me. Rin got a word for me about being a bright fire and Chad had a funny picture of me cupping water in my palms. Hmm I have to pray about that for sure. But man oh man.

It gets better.

I got to play foosball with the awesome bunch. And while that was happening, everyone was buzzing on about IHOP (cause international pancake day!). Then suddenly, OU texted/called that classes were cancelled for the whole of today!!!! Which means tests are going to be rescheduled but yay!!

So IHOP was a no go. Headed over to Hannah's to grab her laptop and some coffee. Then we went to the house Joel and Jarred stayed for a week / house sitting to have worship. Man! Greg was there too. It was so awesome. The word spoken over the group tonight:

• We are going to be excellent in sharing Gods love
• People are going to want to be near us and we are gonna make an impact on campus
• Greg said that worship was like the 7th walk around Jericho. We didn't need to do anything yet the walls broke down. All we needed was to praise Him.

Encounter and worship afterwards - was indescribable. God came down and poured out into so many hungry hearts today - surreal.

We did IHOP! And hence why I'm just writing this now. :) pancakes was good.

I'm so excited that good days like these are going to be a norm - and I'm claiming that. More favored days ahead!! :) :) 

So thank You Jesus. For you tell us to worry not and rest in You. We know every good and wonderful thing comes from You alone. Lest we forget.

Fullness 2015

Hi, its Friday and I am waiting on laundry. I am listening to Jonathan David & Melissa Helser's latest album - "On the Shores". I just scored 5/5 for my Geo reading quiz and that made my day. :) Anyway, I've been procrastinating. Putting off writing this post and now I realise why. Why I wasn't so keen on writing it.

Honestly, the Fullness conference tugs on my heart's deepest part. Every fault and disbelief I have was challenged. I will try to explain what I mean. But honestly, I am a very negative person (well that was the old me!) and to hear things like this - the simple truths of our great Father made me so skeptical. I was like, "Huh, really, it's that simple? No, that can't be it".

One thing spoke to me so powerfully - this simple statement:

"Rest is our greatest weapon"

As easy as it is to say these five words, to know and take heart, thats a different level. Graham Cooke's sermon on rest really challenged me. I started questioning myself. Really - why am I worrying so much when I have a God that has everything taken care of? Is anything too hard for the Lord? Often, I am guilty of belittling God. Limiting His power and love in my life. Honestly, we receive the love we think we receive and I've been guilty of thinking that God will never love me as much because of (endless list of flaws). Telling Him, "Hey, my day is going to be pretty busy today, and I'm going to pray and do my devotions - but I'm going to strive to make sure I get through the day. And uhm, if you want to help you can, but it's going to be a busy day, okay God? So bye", "See you when I'm exhausted and weary from my busy day". And then at the end of the day I find myself asking, "Where was God during my bad/busy days"? Naive. So blinded by the fact that i've left Him aside, forgotten that He was right there, next to me.

And yet, God is so ever ready to open His arms wide again - to assure me that He is glad i've come to realise that his love is unconditional. His grace is all deserving and His power knows no bounds. And yes, we may limit Him when the waves of life come crashing Him, but that doesn't mean He is actually limited in anything, we just think He is. And oh, what a wonderful God we serve. That allows us to come just as we are, with our flaws and impure love and filthy hearts.

I will never begin to understand that, but I believe it is real. And I want to live like that - knowing I am loved and God's grace will never let  me go. I went to lifegroup on Thursday (after yet another hectic week) and Chris, my LG leader shared about how he had a pretty intense week but He chose Jesus. He chose not to worry. In the end he didn't look tired out or anything, God's grace sustained him. Wow, to hear and witness testimonies from people my age - that's something. LG has been opening my eyes to see how God works in the lives of people my age. I've heard testimonies after testimonies. Jesus has worked in radical ways. Despite the similar struggles we all face as students, God remains the same, yet so personal to each and everyone of us. I want a significant relationship with God. One thats not built based on obligations but one that recognizes that by delighting in God alone, we claim our territory and let God into our everyday lives. Better yet, we kick the enemy's stronghold, throw away worries and anxieties. Before we know it, we have our greatest weapon: REST!

And a little bit about the actual conference. The Friday of the conference Kenah texted me. He told me that he had extra overflow tickets - a ticket cost $69 (overflow) $90 (normal). And I thought about it for the longest time, then I finally decided, hey, he offered, guess I'll just go. And so, I am so grateful to Kenah really, for not forcing us, but actually giving us the option to go. Thankful to these two really. They treat me like their own little sister. Love them to the bits (picture 8) I got to hang out at Hannah's place for the night with a bunch of girls from LG. One of them, Rachel (picture 7) is an art/portrait major. Its so cool how she painted during worship, the picture shows some of the paintings she worked on throughout fullness. (picture 5&6) This super cool burger/bar place Kenah took us. He paid for our burgers, it was so good! The place was pretty neat too. We spent the break talking and getting to know Laura. (picture 1) is on Saturday - when Kenah cooked for us dinner and we all hung out at his place.

So, the picture with the Bethel guys? Well. I totally had a crush on the keyboardist, haha he was so good looking! And on the last day I told myself I need a picture with him, or anyone in the band for Tiff (< super big fan of Bethel). But I had not guts. Ya. I went up to the beard guy , told him my sister is singing Bethel songs in Malaysia. And there, awkward picture for you! I was kinda bummed since they were leaving for tour immediately after this service. We chilled and waited for everyone to gather to go home. And I was heading towards the toilet area when Jeremy Riddle and Mr Cute Keyboardist walked towards me!!! I was thrilled. Totally jumped at the chance and asked for a picture. Conveniently, Pabel was there and the Cutie thought I wanted a picture with Jeremy only, I had to convince him to be in it lol. But it was all worth it! We drove home and they were next to us. It wa so funny but :) :) what a wonderful few days. really.


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(3) :)

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Thank you Jesus, for never failing to amaze each day.

782

I finally got my admissions pack. Headed to OU soon. So this is for everyone who believed in me right from the start:

Thank you to my family, who believed in me throughout this whole period. For encouraging me, allowing me to remain positive, and for always being there.

Dad - more than the money. For always checking up on my application. Your concern meant a lot.

For aunties and uncles who've prayed for me, Dad's cell group, and concerned friends who are always checking with Ma and Dad about my applications. Appreciate it.

For friends who remind me to be grateful and hopeful.

Most importantly, to the person up there smiling down and watching over me through everything. Nothing would have been possible if I didn't trust Him. What a journey eh? But really, thank you Jesus. :)

Phew, what a relief.

Will write a post soon about applying once everything is settled
(Because blogs have helped me out so so much, I hope my experience will benefit someone one day) but till then!

life after the coffee club

 

Totally unplanned for and not trying to be hipster but....working in the coffee club has developed my taste for coffee.

Call it a blessing or a curse, this is an expensive taste. Nooo. Drinking 3-in-1s and powdered coffee just won't do anymore. I paid for two cups of coffee in Kuching in a single day cause I wasn't happy with the coffee. And both cost more than RM 10 each. The next day I had 4 shots of Starbucks in my Latte.. Oh well. Life after having such good coffee to sip everyday.

 

Till then coffee sippers. (Not hipster)

unending

Maybe, you need to start looking inside. Before you help others. Because this is too much, no one can take these mood swings. Its important that everyone's feelings are considered. I really, really hope you realise this. Stop lashing out on us, we're only humans - not saints. Please, I beg.

 

---

Sometimes I just want things to be the way they were before - back to normal. Often, I forget what normal really is. But, I know that God is the only constant. Always showering unconditional love and care for me. It is only through Him that everything is possible. He is the reason I am here today - where I am. And with that said, all glory to Him alone. 

The one who has been there to train me, lead me, and guide me through interviews. The One who opened doors for debates and presentations (Nerve-wrecking) that are vital to overcome my stage fright. But more importantly the One that knows the whole picture. He will open the door for whatever is next.

I've learned to never fully trust human. Mere humans we are, we need to be constantly reminded of that. To forever have faith in the great God we know.

---

 

" All my hands have made I'm laying down
All that I hold dear, my many crowns
I've tasted and seen of Your great love
You satisfy me"

- Leave Me Astounded, Planetshakers

Ronald

So happy you liked the video. It is okay if he never reads this, but I thank Jesus for bringing Ron into the world years ago. Well, I shall begin from day one. Like everybody else, I thought he was together with Amelia. They were school mates since forever and even in Uni they kept staying close to each other only... so I was like.. kay never mind. Will not disturb. After the first week, Melia announced that she is not with Ron hahah they were just friends - the english magazine really brought us together and helped break all the tension. I have to admit, Ron's short story was terrible. His english... I think he did it like an hour before the deadline. Since then we started taking short trips after the first field trips. We would all have lunch together. And sometimes Ron will take us all out.

When finals were around the corner, they all stayed back to study. Ron didn't really stay except when he needed help with English (Our english is actually called "academic and communication skills and they are really a pain - with super strict grading). But by the end of the semester, we started going to the gym, having suppers 24/7, watching midnight movies, cooking at Fien's house. By the second semester we were all badass enough to play CS (Counter Strike) and we got out ID's recorded. Haaaa. But till today, Ron remembers I killed him - super funny when he found out it was me. Anyway.

These guys were like my second family there. Ron or Javan would never mind sending me to and fro from the airport every time I went back. I probably will never say this to their faces but I am so so grateful each time I see their faces in the airport.

So grateful, because I know when I go back to Kuching away from home (oh how dreadful)  I will be actually going to my other home - with those familiar faces.

No, Ron isn't like an extraordinary gentlemen that will go all out to be nice. But he is nice. In our last semester, his car over heated. The next day he thought it would be okay already. So we went out for lunch. Luckily Fien was in the car (His dad is a mechanic so he knows cars). The car over heated and we had to stop. It couldn't start and we were really stuck. We tried everything - poor Ron he didn't know what to do. Fien did what we could but we were stuck. So Ron's dad told him to drive to a nearby shop and leave the car there for the mechanic to collect. We had lunch AND HE PAID FOR US... like zomg, we are the reason your car spoil then you still want to pay? Heeh.

But he is funny to talk to and he loves HIMYM. In our third semester when we were all stressed up for 3 units we had to choose our degrees too. He could never really make up his mind. After classes he agreed to come back and study. We went to the comp lab and agreed if we studied we would watch HIMYM's latest episode. But we didn't study, we just watched HIMYM haha. While waiting for the parking to be free (10pm you leave uni its free parking) we went up to the bridge and he talked about his work. AHH that boy hahaha, he told me he used to write those price signs. Those big numbers you see in the supermarkets - "0.99 cents" only kind. Hahahahaha and this is the boy who got the cinemas wrong. He so gan cheong when he read the text because he was a little bit late - he ended up almost half an hour late. So freaking funny. Underneath all that hiao-ness I know he's a lot more. I would never trade anything to know him (& the other bros).

As weird as he listens to Drenched and other emo Chinese songs alot, as funny as his lame shares on facebook are (he always shares lame funny pictures), as lifelessly addicted he plays dota - he is still Ron Ron that will take me go Mcd at midnight - cause we're hungry. Then we go back and annoy those studying in the chilling crib. Those were the days - thanks for everything.  :) 

Picture taken on my laptop (Eng Maths B) - 22/10/2013, 3.06pm

Happy birthday Ron!

#BBF - (Best bros fiveever)

#574 The road to nowhere.

Credits//

And, i'm already thinking, where to next. Phewww, 3 days of really crazy exams finally over. only two hectic days left :) Slightly relieved that Physics wasn't as hard as Jon Quek said it would be. And on top of it all I read the paper 3 experiment only minutes before.

Oh and on sunday night, I couldn't find my IC, and I really panicked. Thank God Bryan said that we can just get a slip for it. But I was still scared & I prayed very, VERY VERYY hard. I almost cried. haaaaaaaa, turns out the next day it was in my pinafore pocket. That was already WASHED.

SOYEA, God has been pretty amazing in my life. I don't know about you but my God is pretty real to me!

Here's a verse;

James 1:5

New International Version (NIV)

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

goodnights! till freedom then.

#574 The road to nowhere.

Credits//

And, i'm already thinking, where to next. Phewww, 3 days of really crazy exams finally over. only two hectic days left :) Slightly relieved that Physics wasn't as hard as Jon Quek said it would be. And on top of it all I read the paper 3 experiment only minutes before.

Oh and on sunday night, I couldn't find my IC, and I really panicked. Thank God Bryan said that we can just get a slip for it. But I was still scared & I prayed very, VERY VERYY hard. I almost cried. haaaaaaaa, turns out the next day it was in my pinafore pocket. That was already WASHED.

SOYEA, God has been pretty amazing in my life. I don't know about you but my God is pretty real to me!

Here's a verse;

James 1:5

New International Version (NIV)

5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.

goodnights! till freedom then.