Fake

Lately, I never let myself cry when watching movies (except when alone). And remembering friends flying off too. I've never showed that I would really miss them when I know its the exact opposite. Instead I will choose to babble on about a stupidly pointless topic, then go like, "Oh bye bye, you don't forget us okay, see you soon!"

What's worse is that I can never really show how sad I am. I can never deliver bad news without a "Hahahaha" or say how I really feel without a "Jokes", "Kidding okay? " Instead I start over thinking.

I must say. I am so very tired and exhausted of feeling disappointed in myself. Not letting anyone know the seriousness of it all. Like for example, I would say: "I didn't pass my math test. Hahahah lol." When as a matter of fact there isn't anything to even laugh at mind.

What I hate the most. The most I must say, is how much I love silence but feel obligated to prevent it anyways. Obligated is the word because I feel like when it is too quiet I need to ensure everyone in the conversation feels included. Not because silence is awkward; but because silence is awkward. Do you get what I mean? I somewhat think that the silence will cause them to feel uneasy and not like to be around me. Especially when people disagree. Ohmygoodness, the obligation I feel is equivalent to that of a mediator - trying to smooth any little crease that makes itself present. And hence, trying to be sensitive, I try.

Maybe I really need to care less. Think less. Speak less. See less. Rant less. Please, remember these things Eugenia.

"Swift to listen, slow to speak."

#565 Transition stages

I LIKE BIG BIG PICTURES.

Well, I shall discontinue the previous blog post because I will find inspiration to finish it one day. Any hows, considering the fact that I have graduated from high school last year, I have the privilege of bumming around before college life starts all over. And oh man, i'm going to be frank and say I don't know whats in store next.

My high school life has been pretty awesome, in that busy, hectic kind of way, but asking me now. I would never exchange missing classes for the wonderful people I've met. And miraculously, despite studying from August on wards I managed through SPM. Earlier, I was telling mum whether she thought I would get all A's. She said, if you do i'll be happy for you, but i know you did your best. :') So rare to hear these kind of things lately, but I guess her seeing me being locked in my room, and never wanting to eat has scared her a little. hahaha I could tell she was so worried. But nevertheless, God's grace is sufficient through it all. And finally, 4 years of blissful high school life is over. But it flew past just like that.

Now, the uncertainty that lies ahead, colleges, studying again, starting new. The thoughts can be really refreshing but terrifying. As much as I want to stick to everyone I know now, reality still exists and people do live separate lives in the end, just not so soon please? :( Because applying for somewhere apart from home seems like a really scary thing to do. It's like forever MSSM hostel life. Oh no, as much as I want to get in the though of it is up to God. Really, but studying without paying a thing is my dream. Hahah, it's probably the least i can do for my parents.

So, dear God, please grant me this opportunity. One special favour to return my parents.

TODAY:
service in church was about priorities hence;

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNqdG50UVb4]

Where are your priorities? Planning to start 2013 with God, because I know this is going to be a long year. I just need to find where He is and stay there. LOLOL, having trouble doing daily devotions, and that will be my confession. For now, besides that I've been good, no worries :)

Everyone is headed off to college, and to be honest, staying at home is never boring when I have my Samantha with me. That girl drives me up the wall sometimes, but she never fails to make my day. Every time. :) Love spending time with the family. Hopefully getting a part-time job will not be too hectic, but I'm still praying that God will allow me to get the job I want. Which is for you to find out soon enough ;) 

Here's a funny story about today I went all the way to U6BC where people play some really mean basketball by the way. The plan was initially collect a shirt I lend a friend. Well, I actually got the see them old classmates <3 But I didn't bring the shirt alone, and for that I hereby congratulate myself. *pats own shoulder*

:')

OK TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.

ps/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TEO VIVIEN!

#565 Transition stages

I LIKE BIG BIG PICTURES.

Well, I shall discontinue the previous blog post because I will find inspiration to finish it one day. Any hows, considering the fact that I have graduated from high school last year, I have the privilege of bumming around before college life starts all over. And oh man, i'm going to be frank and say I don't know whats in store next.

My high school life has been pretty awesome, in that busy, hectic kind of way, but asking me now. I would never exchange missing classes for the wonderful people I've met. And miraculously, despite studying from August on wards I managed through SPM. Earlier, I was telling mum whether she thought I would get all A's. She said, if you do i'll be happy for you, but i know you did your best. :') So rare to hear these kind of things lately, but I guess her seeing me being locked in my room, and never wanting to eat has scared her a little. hahaha I could tell she was so worried. But nevertheless, God's grace is sufficient through it all. And finally, 4 years of blissful high school life is over. But it flew past just like that.

Now, the uncertainty that lies ahead, colleges, studying again, starting new. The thoughts can be really refreshing but terrifying. As much as I want to stick to everyone I know now, reality still exists and people do live separate lives in the end, just not so soon please? :( Because applying for somewhere apart from home seems like a really scary thing to do. It's like forever MSSM hostel life. Oh no, as much as I want to get in the though of it is up to God. Really, but studying without paying a thing is my dream. Hahah, it's probably the least i can do for my parents.

So, dear God, please grant me this opportunity. One special favour to return my parents.

TODAY:
service in church was about priorities hence;

Where are your priorities? Planning to start 2013 with God, because I know this is going to be a long year. I just need to find where He is and stay there. LOLOL, having trouble doing daily devotions, and that will be my confession. For now, besides that I've been good, no worries :)

Everyone is headed off to college, and to be honest, staying at home is never boring when I have my Samantha with me. That girl drives me up the wall sometimes, but she never fails to make my day. Every time. :) Love spending time with the family. Hopefully getting a part-time job will not be too hectic, but I'm still praying that God will allow me to get the job I want. Which is for you to find out soon enough ;) 

Here's a funny story about today I went all the way to U6BC where people play some really mean basketball by the way. The plan was initially collect a shirt I lend a friend. Well, I actually got the see them old classmates <3 But I didn't bring the shirt alone, and for that I hereby congratulate myself. *pats own shoulder*

:')

OK TIME TO SAY GOODBYE.

ps/

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TEO VIVIEN!