home

after my fair share of traveling within the past two decades, I find myself constantly redefining what home means to me. today, I am convinced that I am so very blessed to be able to call two places on this earth my home. my temporary home at least. so thankful that the ultimate HOMECOMING is a party with Jesus and I am excited that the friends I've met along the way will all be reunited one day.

another perk? no air fare necessary! haha!

Elevation sermons are some of the best things in life. I spent the whole, whole day cleaning and trying to lessen the stuff I own. It is crazy how much I hold on to and how everything looks so important. Not surprisingly I am not done, yet here I am. Yay whoop. 

On a better note, I got some pretty good Chilli Pan Mee with the sisters so that was fun!

__

The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us.

IDEK

"hi jie I miss you so much! I wish you could come home. Anyways Happy B'Day! xoxo from, Sam"

so I can never re-read my birthday card without tearing up. Life away from home is..I don't even know. I am too caught up trying to distract myself, forget about home - but when it hits, it hits hard. I have questioned my place here in OU - so far away from home.

Home sounds good now. Home sounds homey. Home is wherever fam is. Thanksgiving may be hard, but I am eternally grateful for my five cheerleaders who are my biggest fans and will always support my dreams. So no matter where I am, I can still be thankful. Regardless of what I feel, today I choose to be thankful, for the roof on my head, food in my tummy and a chance to study.

I am more privileged than so many others, just by having these three things. I don't think life can be better.

I am talking too much, I shall leave.

***

HIGHS: 

• I got to eat Asian food
• With Fam
• Watched the game with fam 
• OU won OSU today (Play offs left now!)

Fake

Lately, I never let myself cry when watching movies (except when alone). And remembering friends flying off too. I've never showed that I would really miss them when I know its the exact opposite. Instead I will choose to babble on about a stupidly pointless topic, then go like, "Oh bye bye, you don't forget us okay, see you soon!"

What's worse is that I can never really show how sad I am. I can never deliver bad news without a "Hahahaha" or say how I really feel without a "Jokes", "Kidding okay? " Instead I start over thinking.

I must say. I am so very tired and exhausted of feeling disappointed in myself. Not letting anyone know the seriousness of it all. Like for example, I would say: "I didn't pass my math test. Hahahah lol." When as a matter of fact there isn't anything to even laugh at mind.

What I hate the most. The most I must say, is how much I love silence but feel obligated to prevent it anyways. Obligated is the word because I feel like when it is too quiet I need to ensure everyone in the conversation feels included. Not because silence is awkward; but because silence is awkward. Do you get what I mean? I somewhat think that the silence will cause them to feel uneasy and not like to be around me. Especially when people disagree. Ohmygoodness, the obligation I feel is equivalent to that of a mediator - trying to smooth any little crease that makes itself present. And hence, trying to be sensitive, I try.

Maybe I really need to care less. Think less. Speak less. See less. Rant less. Please, remember these things Eugenia.

"Swift to listen, slow to speak."

So.

This morning was very eventful. We went to town this morning for  kopitiam and it was amazing as usual. And the eggs so perfectly boiled. On the way we also got a new case for our fave (aging) DSLR. The price was surprisingly reasonable - one if the reasons we love KL.
Afterwards me and Dad even manage to vacuum the cars before it got hot. Such a productive morning :)

Oh but sadly, the brother has not been replying my messages for weeks now. And to think that he had just Skype with dad yesterday. Ughh this means so much catching up to do when we talk again.

Till then everyone! Kinda out of quotes for now. Too lazy.

---

So sick of everyone asking why I am not back home in my kampung. Dad won't let me go but he won't keep quiet about it either. Way to rub salt into its wound Dad. Seriously so edgy today. But nevertheless Thank You God for tomorrow. For all the blessings you've poured on the Ibans. And to those celebrating,

Selamat Ari Gawai!

---

 I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.

―Ecclesiastes 3:12

27/05/2014

Okay so I know every post has a date but I couldn't think of a title. Anyway, for the first time ever a bunch of us got up at before 6am to "see the sunrise" in a park. Apparently it turned bright when we were on the way, but it was an accomplishment for us all kay. Anyway, we went for breakfast. The plan was to cycle in that park. Spent hours cycling and when we were all tired we went to a nearby mall afterwards to cool off. Finally got to have a decent chat with my best buds. Remising about high school days, oh those days. Feels good to be around the high school people again. Feels like school was just yesterday, oh well. Immensely grateful. Blessed.

Thankful for the time I have back home. I know things will be so different after everyone goes their separate ways, but if we can finish Pre-U and get back together, we can definitely graduate and meet up again, this I know.  

I must say it is good to be physically back! Today is an ultimate milestone - since my knee injury. Mom did not actually allow me to go back to doing stuff like these but I kinda ignored her. Surprisingly when I came home (in fact you can call it a miracle) she didn't stir things up. Samantha made me recompense for the time spent away from home that day - I had to mix frozen yoghurt for her to freeze. And some more yoghurt to eat. That cutie. Haha, anyway, back to mom. She just happily asked me to cook dinner (because she loves the way I cook the chicken fyi) hahaha. Also, I came home to new/replenished tea and pastry. Yes, my family are tea people. Tea is sacred, every flavour bought is someone's favourite.

 

Today was a really good day. :) :)

#626

Believing this right now. Because I am so weak, but Jesus is strong. Little sister told me news I didn't want to hear earlier today. Taking a step back, God reminded me He has the bigger picture in mind. It was always meant for nothing but the very best. Only when we are weak He can be strong. Since there is nothing we can do, the only option left is to trust God alone. To have hope a little more, in God.

Hope.

That's what keeps us alive.

#626

Believing this right now. Because I am so weak, but Jesus is strong. Little sister told me news I didn't want to hear earlier today. Taking a step back, God reminded me He has the bigger picture in mind. It was always meant for nothing but the very best. Only when we are weak He can be strong. Since there is nothing we can do, the only option left is to trust God alone. To have hope a little more, in God.

Hope.

That's what keeps us alive.

#625 Hey brother,

There's an endless road to rediscover,

We can go, penang Char kuay tiaw and Asam Laksa!

hahah. Never been a fan of rave and Aviici kinda music till the kids in Cambodia make me listen to it. Idk if I spelled it correctly. Haha anway, being back home is nice. Very very nice, sometimes I wish my brother was home now too. Oh the joy, I can only wait for the day he comes home - and pray I'll be home too.

Well, Kor if you were home now we'd be in the mamak watching you swallow down plates of Maggi Goreng and whatever you feel like having. Hee.

One day.

Till then, lets focus on the present blessings. Beyond blessed to have grown up with so many cousins. Despite the distance, Kor always say, "Blood is thicker than water."
Wishing my cousins - Ignatius, Cyreah, and Sharon a very happy birthday. April babies. Spent the whole day out with them today (legs almost killed me shhh don't tell my mummy ). I don't know if I will be able to fly back this Gawai.

About my knees, this Friday is my scan. Hoping they will be able to diagnose the problem. Would appreciate prayers!


GOD BLESS!

Ps/ today Obama came to Malaysia. Figured it's worth mentioning just for memories sake.

Pps/ A good read about dating/courtship. Just another perspective.

#625 Hey brother,

There's an endless road to rediscover,

We can go, penang Char kuay tiaw and Asam Laksa!

hahah. Never been a fan of rave and Aviici kinda music till the kids in Cambodia make me listen to it. Idk if I spelled it correctly. Haha anway, being back home is nice. Very very nice, sometimes I wish my brother was home now too. Oh the joy, I can only wait for the day he comes home - and pray I'll be home too.

Well, Kor if you were home now we'd be in the mamak watching you swallow down plates of Maggi Goreng and whatever you feel like having. Hee.

One day.

Till then, lets focus on the present blessings. Beyond blessed to have grown up with so many cousins. Despite the distance, Kor always say, "Blood is thicker than water."
Wishing my cousins - Ignatius, Cyreah, and Sharon a very happy birthday. April babies. Spent the whole day out with them today (legs almost killed me shhh don't tell my mummy ). I don't know if I will be able to fly back this Gawai.

About my knees, this Friday is my scan. Hoping they will be able to diagnose the problem. Would appreciate prayers!


GOD BLESS!

Ps/ today Obama came to Malaysia. Figured it's worth mentioning just for memories sake.

Pps/ A good read about dating/courtship. Just another perspective.

Nephew just left. I'll miss him.
Missing so many things right now, but I am so eternally grateful to be home.

Thank You, God,

for bringing me through my first year, back then I thought it was impossible to even complete this but with God by my side always assuring me that He has the best planned I'm here today. Done with Foundation. Yea it seems like not much compared to degree, masters or phD.

But rest assured, i'll get there.

One step at a time.

ps/ home never felt so good

pps/ I love my Kor and I miss him and I wish he was here

Nephew just left. I'll miss him.
Missing so many things right now, but I am so eternally grateful to be home.

Thank You, God,

for bringing me through my first year, back then I thought it was impossible to even complete this but with God by my side always assuring me that He has the best planned I'm here today. Done with Foundation. Yea it seems like not much compared to degree, masters or phD.

But rest assured, i'll get there.

One step at a time.

ps/ home never felt so good

pps/ I love my Kor and I miss him and I wish he was here