I cannot lie,

Everyday, my heart simply hopes that he'll come back. Hahha, i like to give false hopes to myself.

I DONT UNDERSTAND.

Our relationship is now internet based. Amazing, well. Life happens right God? Thats okay only cause You're here :)


maybe its time I actually really blogged instead of complaining. So anyways, last weekend, exams ended for us. The following saturday, I tagged along on a last minute trip to Taylors for a crash course. I was so tired, really, maybe cause I had tuition on a friday evening AFTER a whole week of exams. But we decided to go to Pyramid afterwards, mainly cause I wanted to get a present for the baby. Heh, they can't be disappointed by not getting a present on their actual BIRTH DAY, not at this age at least.

So off we were, the bus specially stopped us, hehe. Yeepei, Hafiz, ChunYeaw, Nick and Ching Siang. We went around only to find out MPH relocated, bought a present from Popular nevertheless. Mmm, I am getting very broke, first Tiffany's birthday, then prom, then Samantha's haha. Whats next? Idk, but anyways the guys wanted to go around to look for prom stuff. And we helped them, well sorta, hee, they didn't bring any money though. AND, I never knew guys' shirt could cost so much! Like, in G2000 it was like RM100+ for a shirt. Yes, a plain shirt that you would use to work everyday. Ah so guys have complicated lives too ehhh. Hahah, unless they're like jon and have dad's like ours. haha.

Anyways, it was a good day, to distress after exams. And I didn't realise that exams aren't the only thing that was making me upset yeap. My brothers absence still makes me. :/
Nevertheless, God's plans are perfect:

Proverbs 16:9 
“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.” (NIV)

Dear Mr. God,
I'm writing you today because it seems like lately i've forgotten how to pray. I've never really known why You do the things You do, but I believe that all things will work together for good, I just need to trust You more. Its like everything that happens in my life right now, I can't help but blame You, why can't I just understand that you taking Jon to US is part of Your perfect plan? Why can't I understand that not everything that seems perfect to me, is perfect in Your eyes? I really have no idea whats in store ahead for me. But sometimes, when the worlds crashing down on me I'm eternally grateful I have You. People may not understand what I mean by that and why I am such a Christian but I couldn't be bothered. Your love is all I need and that's all that matters. So, thanks for answering me. My replacement brother? It's You huh, it has always been You. So please, help me to set my mind in the right track and use my 45 days wisely God. There's too much to cover and too little time, but You make the impossible; possible. I believe that You will grant me the wisdom and concentration I need.

Thank You for making everything beautiful. For fitting the ugly pieces and perfect memories of my life together, like a puzzle. And thank You for the faith that I've found in You. I know that I miss Jon, and I probably always will, no one can deny that. But the assurance that You're omnipresent, that's wonderful.  Please be the same God you were to Kor while he was onboard the Logos Hope, please be real to him even today.

I know that his heart aches for malaysia. The food specially, haha but dear God, comfort him that he will be reminded of Your perfect plans for him. That he will wake up each day and feel Your love shining down from rays of Arizona sunshine. Help him to always keep his priorities right and to always honor You, and in return You will honor him too.

Thank You for the 16 and a half years we spent together. I'm eternally grateful, that this has taught me to appreciate people more.

In Jesus' name, Amen.

I better stop blogging if i want to finish all my bm homework in school. So, till then,




alright. bye strangers.