Favor

In 30 mins I have a class to go to. And yet I am here blogging.

Let me tell you why. I randomly found a song from an Indonesian band - JPCC True Worshippers. When I was listening to the album, I wasn't aware that it was titled: "Favor". But towards the end of this song, yes not even the song itself, it was the part where the guy starts talking after a song (like they do after worship), he said this: "The challenges/situations you are facing right now is only for the season, but His favor lasts for a lifetime."

The word favor means so much to me. I am undeserving and I know that Jesus has been too kind to me. He blesses me with opportunities and things that I can never receive without His strength. Before leaving to study, people have often prayed favor over me. Always, at every low point of my life He always pours out so much favor on me. The worst part is that I've never really thanked Him or acknowledged His presence, His favor. Often crediting myself for my hard work. Pffft, what hard work? Its all HIS work. He doesn't receive the praise He deserves, yet He keeps pouring out unconditionally.

He is my strength when I have none,

He is my wisdom when I need it,

He is my help when I have no one to turn to;

He is my never failing rock.

I won't say I am at a low point right now but I am definitely worrying too much. What a mean thing to do - not trusting in His favor. He must be so offended (not).

But today, I am reminded. I am thankful and grateful to be reminded. I cannot believe this is MY Jesus.

Ordinary

So what have I been up to lately? I must say having a journal really kills the joy of blogging. Public posts are not suitable for fully expressive thoughts, but still. Btw, I must confess again I don't re-read my old journals.

Anyhow! A little updates on my application. Earlier, I wrote about how my plans have changed and that I am officially taking the whole year off from educational pursuit. (Lol, I know you're secretly judging me for wasting my life, so read the post okay, I have my reasons). As of today, I've applied to four universities in the States. Two of them are top 75 in the world for general engineering, but all four are top in the States for Petroleum Engineering. So more choices for me! I've made up my mind on where I want to go. Just waiting for my offers now.

Oh yes. The wait. Is. So. Torturing. Really, I need my I-20 papers asap to apply for my visa interview. As much as I loathe waiting, time seems to be flying by. How ironic, but let me remind you, there are only 45 days till the brother comes home, 53 days to Christmas, 64 days till I leave!

So much left to do. So much to pack. So many people to meet.

I'll update once I get my offers :) But before it all that starts, I would like to talk to you about a book. My favourite one.

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I admit I'm not the holiest person, however I love reading Psalms. Its a book in the Bible. Sometimes I become too selfish and just read Psalms all the time haha, but really. When I feel down or upset. There are verses to lift my spirits. Often, I stumble upon verses that means so much to me. Undeniably, every Christian loves the Psalms, and I am not excused.

One of the verses on my app is:

 The Lord is close to all who call on Him,
    yes, to all who call on Him in truth.
 He grants the desires of those who fear Him;
    he hears their cries for help and rescues them.

Psalms 145:18-19 (NLT)

Over the past few years, I've came to know God in a very personal way. Today, I still hold fast to my beliefs because He never fails me. Really. I have no idea how many times I've drifted away from God. And yet every single time, He looks out for me and continually shows me how much He loves me. So overwhelming. I can't deny His love anymore. I've decided to believe in Him because He never leaves me through it all. Whenever you call, He's always there. He'll bring us out of any sticky situation. This ordinary life we have been given. So dull. Yet He cares. For every single detail.

I am still unsure where I will be next year. Plans are plans. But of this one thing I'm sure: My God never fails.

It is November already! Eleven months have passed, now go ask yourself how did you spend the last 10 months.

Till then! :) #np

#737 Snippets

Top row:
(1) December last year - 2013. With the cousin. Annual Christmas Roadtrip KCH-BTG-BTU-MYY.
(2) With Kamera and Samid in Cambodia - March 2014
(3) Road trip No. 4 - Frasers with Dad's HF group

Second row:
(1) With Bing and Sean during my Kuching trip for > (2) Shell Award Ceremony: Miss Siti, Dad and Aunty Mag. Grateful for their support and their presence on the day itself.
(3) Road trip No. 2 - credits to Tiff

Last row:
(1) Varsity Camp with John - after quitting my job. (2)(3) Goofing around on the day we moved. Yep. Moving day.

So since I completed my foundation, I went on four road trips so far:
1. Sarawak
2. Malacca
3. Johor
4. Frasers
(5). Kuching - TWICE once for fun (joking) and again for an official ceremony, but it's not counted. Or is it?

The collage as you may have noticed, isn't chronically arranged. Nevertheless. These are just bits of pieces of what I've been up to. Of course there have been countless meet up sessions with school/work friends but sadly I don't have many pictures. But that's okay. I've been so caught up with SAT and university applications. So yeah.

85/ That's it for now!

reminiscence (?)

So, I have not lived two decades of my life.. and yet, I am already looking through stuff I've kept from what seems like a lifetime away. Yes, you can call me a hoarder for keeping useless items (like camp books, bus/KTM/LRT/first monorail tickets, notes, random little notebooks etc) from when I was younger. It amazes me how just seven years ago felt like... just a memory. Met up with high school buds and realised how much time has past and how far we've gone (not very far yet mind you).

Things I've realised:

1. Growing up is a never ending process.

Be it 5, 15 or 50, age is just a number! I have realised that there is always something to learn; to discover; to accept. I hope the future me will be open enough to remember this. Really. We live in a fast-paced generation, aimlessly trying to tick off everything in our little list:

•  Study in a good university. (Earn a degree/masters/phd/phd(s))


•  Get a good job. (Earn a lot of $$$)


• Marry (handsome/pretty/rich/funny/kind/ + all the criteria on a super long list and etc.)


• Have a family


• and the list goes on and on...

Times are changing faster than ever. We have to always be open - not compromise, just open. We do not succumb to everything we hear but we respect the various views of people we meet. Often, we need to learn to listen to an individual regardless of their age. I hope I don't grow too old and proud to listen to young people next time.

2. Memories will be memories

What once happened, happened. Looking back, you realise that the friends you thought will stay with you forever, don't stay with you forever. Sorry. Sad but true fact. It is inevitable to realise that everyone chooses their own paths in life. The faster you realise, the less disappointed you will get. But hey, it is not all that bad! In the process of growing up you meet different people (even if it is just for a season of your life). Also, the happiest part about this is the fact that you realise you have that one Friend that never leaves. The one that is always there for you no matter how many you have ditched Him. Being alone/lost/vulnerable is definitely a blessing in disguise. Only then will you realise that Jesus has been there for you all this while. So now that we know Jesus is always there - lets leave the memories like they once were, put our heads up and look to what's ahead instead. After all, self pity ain't no party.

3. You have no replay button in life

In plain terms: "YOLO". Literally - you realise you only live once. Not the carefree-I-can-do-anything-I-want kind of feeling. On the contrary, it is the feeling that makes you want to make every person you encounter feel blessed. Not how much you deserve to live your life, just because. Instead it is the kind that will treat anybody nicely - because its his one and only life to be kind. The ones that are willing to give in, give way, and just give. Because they only live once. The feeling that everyday you would want to live it right because you cannot relive it. Very much like someone who has grasped the concept of "living like you were dying". The easiest way to evaluate this part of yourself is to ask: 'If I had cancer and I have one day left to live, what would I do?" (This works for me - specially when I feel ungrateful or just disappointed). Only when someone fully realise the weight of these four letters - they have lived.

Just some thoughts, and overwhelming nostalgia, nothing much.

Well, here's to looking forward!

92 / God bless!

unending

Maybe, you need to start looking inside. Before you help others. Because this is too much, no one can take these mood swings. Its important that everyone's feelings are considered. I really, really hope you realise this. Stop lashing out on us, we're only humans - not saints. Please, I beg.

 

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Sometimes I just want things to be the way they were before - back to normal. Often, I forget what normal really is. But, I know that God is the only constant. Always showering unconditional love and care for me. It is only through Him that everything is possible. He is the reason I am here today - where I am. And with that said, all glory to Him alone. 

The one who has been there to train me, lead me, and guide me through interviews. The One who opened doors for debates and presentations (Nerve-wrecking) that are vital to overcome my stage fright. But more importantly the One that knows the whole picture. He will open the door for whatever is next.

I've learned to never fully trust human. Mere humans we are, we need to be constantly reminded of that. To forever have faith in the great God we know.

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" All my hands have made I'm laying down
All that I hold dear, my many crowns
I've tasted and seen of Your great love
You satisfy me"

- Leave Me Astounded, Planetshakers

Isaiah 55:8

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.

27/05/2014

Okay so I know every post has a date but I couldn't think of a title. Anyway, for the first time ever a bunch of us got up at before 6am to "see the sunrise" in a park. Apparently it turned bright when we were on the way, but it was an accomplishment for us all kay. Anyway, we went for breakfast. The plan was to cycle in that park. Spent hours cycling and when we were all tired we went to a nearby mall afterwards to cool off. Finally got to have a decent chat with my best buds. Remising about high school days, oh those days. Feels good to be around the high school people again. Feels like school was just yesterday, oh well. Immensely grateful. Blessed.

Thankful for the time I have back home. I know things will be so different after everyone goes their separate ways, but if we can finish Pre-U and get back together, we can definitely graduate and meet up again, this I know.  

I must say it is good to be physically back! Today is an ultimate milestone - since my knee injury. Mom did not actually allow me to go back to doing stuff like these but I kinda ignored her. Surprisingly when I came home (in fact you can call it a miracle) she didn't stir things up. Samantha made me recompense for the time spent away from home that day - I had to mix frozen yoghurt for her to freeze. And some more yoghurt to eat. That cutie. Haha, anyway, back to mom. She just happily asked me to cook dinner (because she loves the way I cook the chicken fyi) hahaha. Also, I came home to new/replenished tea and pastry. Yes, my family are tea people. Tea is sacred, every flavour bought is someone's favourite.

 

Today was a really good day. :) :)