Spring 2017

And just like that, the semester is wrapping up. Not a single decent blog post. Of course, it is a Sunday and the sermon just resonates with the season I am currently in. Not a very easy one, but oh man, is there a situation in life that you face, and the Bible does not have an answer for?

I remember these verses when I was running. Running with too many injuries and expectations to perform well. Well, what's changed now right? 

He still remains. Faithful. I'm thankful He never leaves me. Thankful for seasons of learning to build character. Because honestly, I am probably the biggest WIP.

2 Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory.  

3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.  

4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.  

5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.   

Romans 5:2-5 (NLT)

WIP - Work in Progress

in God alone

So I have come to the point of the summer where all the grades are up. I am surprisingly amazed at how I did. For some reasons, even thought I didn't ace all my classes my CGPA went up. But the last sentence - the fact that I didn't ace all my subjects just honestly brought me to tears and made me so very sad for some reasons. I didn't know how to cry. After a long, hot, shower, I scrolled on FB and found this. I am undone.

"Our circumstances can easily rule our emotions if we let them. But God doesn’t want us to be at the mercy of our varied life events, or the hopeless perspective we can sometimes have about them. Rather than getting swept up in the whirlwind of daily events, we should become rooted in the solid foundation of God. Practically speaking, this means leaning on God’s character and seeking after His perspective."

Ah Jesus, here I am again.

“What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” 

― A.W. Tozer

I've asked myself this so many times, what do I think about Jesus? What is the first thing that comes to my mind? And if I were to be honest, I would say distant, or just feel clueless about the whole question. This semester honestly felt so lost. This past year I would say. Jesus felt so distant. For some reasons, I just never experienced him the way I usually do. Some days everything falls into place, some days they don't. Yet, here I am, with another crazy year done and Jesus just leading me into a place where He constantly reminds me of his plans for my life. I can say that the last year has been so difficult for me. I've been discovering so much - about myself, how to function away from home, how to function in leadership, or with friends even. I can say that I have never stopped learning this semester, in every sense.

It may always seem difficult, and at times Jesus may seem so far, but honestly, once I stop looking at the waves that comes crashing in - only then will I be able to have peace and trust that His plans are the very best. So, here's to another excellent semester. Painted out the way Jesus wanted it to be.

“The reason why many are still troubled, still seeking, still making little forward progress is because they haven't yet come to the end of themselves. We're still trying to give orders, and interfering with God's work within us. God never hurries. There are no deadlines against which he must work. Only to know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves.” 

― A.W. Tozer

Why now?

Hello again. As some of you may know (via facebook), I am heading to Europe this summer for a mission trip to one of the largest base camps for refugees in Europe. I figured since I am going to be constantly talking about this till I raise enough funds, I should share a piece of my heart, and why I am doing this. Stick with me for a bit and I will try to make this post worthwhile. Before I go on, I am aware that there are so many different views regarding this issue. I honour and respect every one of you, and if this post has offended you in one way or another, I sincerely apologize in advance.

To begin with, the core beliefs of Engage the Crisis (ETC) are defined as: 

MEETING NEEDS. MAKING DISCIPLES. MOBILIZING LABORERS.

“Engage The Crisis, a relief effort of the Antioch Movement, was created to meet the needs of the large number of refugees currently entering Europe. Our heart is to draw Muslims to Jesus and mobilize this generation to share the love of Christ with these refugees. The Church has an opportunity to define how this historic crisis is spoken about in future generations.”

Refugees are mainly made up of Syrians that make up 10.5 million people. As of 2012 children below the age of 18 comprise 46 percent of the refugee population. There are many good reliable sources online however, here is a brief link regarding the crisis in Europe

Yes, to answer that itching question on everyone’s mind: Why Germany? When the country is mentioned, it is undeniable that people’s faces react. It was as if to say that “Are you going on a holiday or..?” So why? Up till today, Germany has willingly opened its doors to the refugees trying to get into Europe. Today, it has approximately 500,000 migrants and is one of the largest base camps so far. Yes, it may be a really ideal holiday destination, but rest assured, we will not be there for an ideal holiday. :)

So why engage the crisis when most times people run from crisis? Frankly, I do not have firsthand experience with this issue, but let me say that this an urgent call to meet the needs of people who are facing something no human should face. I watched a documentary once that told a story of this boy who refused to go to school (set up by those in the camps). When forced, he curled up and broke down in school, they later found out that the city he lived in, was bombed, although the bombers had no exact target, his school was hit when he was studying. He saw that with his very own eyes. Clearly, that scarred him for life, and walking into a school would relive these happenings over and over again. The depths of the pain felt by this ten-year-old boy is NOTHING any ordinary child should have to go through. It is crazy, that they live a life right out of our game consoles of an ordinary ten-year-old boy. In the documentary, they went on to show the art work of the children. And, tears just flowing down. Pictures of dead bodies, pools of blood, missiles, bear in mind these are children. Children, who grew up and had to mature and see things no child should see in a million years. How can we not help them?

You see, every refugee out there are just like you and me, at least they look like you and me. They have hopes and dreams, they hope and they dream for their kids too. The little ten-year-old boy earlier? His dream was to be a doctor, just like your pre-med friend's dream. Some wanted to be lawyers, some architects. They are real, their dreams are real.

My heart breaks, every time I hear of those trying to enter Europe. I cannot begin to comprehend how terrorizing their journey to safety is. No one (especially the volunteers heading there) can fully comprehend what it is like to leave everything behind, to take this risk - even if it means losing your life, in search for safety. And I say that not to be dramatic or anything, because truth be told almost 5,000 refugees have died trying to travel (by land or sea) to other countries. They are in search of hope, of a new life. Hoping to leave behind those ghastly days - hoping to never have to relive it ever again, hoping that their children will have a brighter, safer, future. And there is no way for them to have this hope apart from Jesus. As much we pray and offer our assistance, these migrants cannot be dependent on any human. Yet, we have this hope in a Saviour, and this love we know will be so willing to accept and love the brokenhearted. Truth be told, the least we can do is tell them that there is hope in a God that never fails. For them to have Jesus for themselves, and the security of knowing that life, and all it holds - is in the hands of the One who cares. That itself is the ultimate reward of every volunteer sent out by ETC.

The suffering of the world will always be harsh, it will always come back to beat you up, yet with the eternal hope, the hope that leaves the suffering of the world behind. The hope that helps you get up every time you fall. The hope that plans for you to prosper, to give you a future, and a chance to leave all your burden at the feet of One who cares.


If you ask me, I think it'd be selfish not to share this hope I have. So why now? I say, why not now?

I am excited to be a part of this movement, and I cannot begin to tell you how blessed I am to be able to be on this trip. Thank you, to everyone who has encouraged me to actually decide to go on the trip, and for future sponsors, I am always grateful for you guys. Thank you.

(Talk to me if you want to support me in any way!)

World Mandate 2016

Wow, I sit here not knowing where to even begin. Firstly, please forgive me for the hiatus. It is apparent that I bought a journal hence blogging was not as essential. Apologies for the very vague troubled posts. Yes, I was in a sticky situation, but I believe I found the ultimate solution. Now that that is said. Phew, I am trying to unpack the past couple of days.. and I am overwhelmed.

So this year did not start off as expected, but like what they said in WM (World Mandate), the year only starts after WM. If the latter remains true, than my year is already off to a good start. So because the year did not start well, I was excited to spend the weekend with people that I love. What better way than to sit in a conference and see their faces for 14 hours per day?

First week of school and the cold, cold wind left me exhausted honestly. If I were to be totally honest, I had zero expectations whatsoever. In fact, the conference was some sort of obligation - but I wanted to be there, just not the entire time. But man, was I wrecked.

Wow, with everything going on in the world today, we often wonder, where is peace? Where is God in all of this? Jim Yost said that if disaster were to befall anywhere, it was a sign that greatness was coming. The superficial disasters were Satan's last effort to stop anything great from exploding into amazing things. Yes, the Syria war is undoubtedly inhumane and no country should have to face that ever. And wow, the refugees trying to make their way out is referred to as the worst inhumane thing. Yet, Jesus always turns evil into good.

Wow this weekend I learned that the church was the ultimate answer. That when disaster befalls, we ought not to simply pray and hope for the best, we ought not run from the war. Instead, we ought to run towards the problem and Engage the Crisis. When the world fears and turn its back around, the church should be the first to say that help is on its way. Engage the Crisis is a movement founded by Antioch. Primarily, they will be helping refugees get onto the shores of Europe. It goes without saying that a journey like that will result in emotional or physical trauma. Antioch purposes to ensure each refugee finds meaning in life. Washed up on the shores, these refugees left behind homes, jobs, everything - in hopes of surviving. Bear in mind that these refugees are just like you and I, big dreams. Other than their geographical location, I don't see how they differ. So yeah, these people get onto these shores and continue the journey into Europe (making several stops to rest and re hydrate). But wow, Engage the Crisis opens doors for students to go in and to serve, to talk, to share the message of hope to these precious lives. These people of different religions are so so so open to anything that is real. And God is so real guys. He heals, he cares and he has compassion. Compassion, meaning the deepest type of love, one that feels the pity for another.

Forget about what I just typed out, I do not know where I am going with that. But during WM, we sang this song that goes:

"You can have my life, You can have it all, Lord, all I am is yours"   

This month, I knew what I meant when I sang that - literally. I've been thrown overboard and Jesus is the only one with the life saver. Literally, my life is dependent on him right now. I just can't help but think - how did I stop depending on Him? How did life go on without Him? Wow. How did I settle so quickly. Honestly.. life should be a race where survival is dependent on Him alone. Wow life. Wow Jesus. I guess when you did this, you already knew what my future holds, so for that, and all that is worth, I am holding on to you. Please, help me know You are there, even when it seems hard.

Here is the scariest part - I was so ready to pack my bags and go to Europe. I see these people in the videos ministering to the refugees, and I wonder, if there is more to life than living the cliche go-to-school-get-a-job-earn-money way of living. Man, I definitely know I am here for a reason and a purpose, yet I am so ready to serve, and to literally change the world! But then I realise, I may not change the world (not yet) but I get to change someone's world here. In a Uni as big as OU, I get to change so many someone's world.

I am still a little overwhelmed, but there with have it. First impression post. Literally hours after WM ended.

Till then.

**

Side Notes:
1. The Antioch tribe is so legit guys. They have a station on Pandora. Of course God is just going at it. I wrote down the lyrics to this particular song (To You Be The Glory) and it is an Antioch Live original song. Of course it has to be the first song that plays when I found the channel.
2. Who would have thought 14 hours spent not studying could be so life-giving.
3. Target has pretty journals, next I would go to Barnes and Noble, then Hallmark
4. Mardel only has journals with verses on them
5. Ephesians 3 - the prayer we all need
6. Organisations to be a part of today (donate, pray, check it out) World Mandate, Engage the Crisis, Be a part of one today!, UnBound

Phenomenal

(photo credits: theworshipproject.co)

so I just had to blog. It's 230am and I just had IHOP for the first time! Yeah Murica. Also, I've just had the best day yet. 

Started off the day asking God for favor when we met with the bursar to try to waive our late charges. After class I headed over and kept asking God for favor. True enough when we met with Miss Janice, she immediately waived the charges and got our receipts in a second. I barely needed to explain why I needed the charges waived. I was so happy and shocked at how smooth the whole process went. Finally being able to pay fees was a huge relief off of my back. And on top of that, in faith I went to the bank the day before and took out the exact balance without the extra 1.5% and if they didn't waive it I would have to make another trip to Chase. Wow.

Then I went to the bookstore and got a shirt that was wrongly priced - but I got it for the cheaper price anyways! :) :)

But to top it all off - Encounter tonight was PHENOMENAL. No other word to describe what just happened. We spent the few hours soaking, prophesying and ministering into each other. Oh so powerful. God keeps reminding me how He has taken care of me throughout my high school/running days and He'll do the same here. Afterwards Rin and Chad prayed over me. Rin got a word for me about being a bright fire and Chad had a funny picture of me cupping water in my palms. Hmm I have to pray about that for sure. But man oh man.

It gets better.

I got to play foosball with the awesome bunch. And while that was happening, everyone was buzzing on about IHOP (cause international pancake day!). Then suddenly, OU texted/called that classes were cancelled for the whole of today!!!! Which means tests are going to be rescheduled but yay!!

So IHOP was a no go. Headed over to Hannah's to grab her laptop and some coffee. Then we went to the house Joel and Jarred stayed for a week / house sitting to have worship. Man! Greg was there too. It was so awesome. The word spoken over the group tonight:

• We are going to be excellent in sharing Gods love
• People are going to want to be near us and we are gonna make an impact on campus
• Greg said that worship was like the 7th walk around Jericho. We didn't need to do anything yet the walls broke down. All we needed was to praise Him.

Encounter and worship afterwards - was indescribable. God came down and poured out into so many hungry hearts today - surreal.

We did IHOP! And hence why I'm just writing this now. :) pancakes was good.

I'm so excited that good days like these are going to be a norm - and I'm claiming that. More favored days ahead!! :) :) 

So thank You Jesus. For you tell us to worry not and rest in You. We know every good and wonderful thing comes from You alone. Lest we forget.

Fullness 2015

Hi, its Friday and I am waiting on laundry. I am listening to Jonathan David & Melissa Helser's latest album - "On the Shores". I just scored 5/5 for my Geo reading quiz and that made my day. :) Anyway, I've been procrastinating. Putting off writing this post and now I realise why. Why I wasn't so keen on writing it.

Honestly, the Fullness conference tugs on my heart's deepest part. Every fault and disbelief I have was challenged. I will try to explain what I mean. But honestly, I am a very negative person (well that was the old me!) and to hear things like this - the simple truths of our great Father made me so skeptical. I was like, "Huh, really, it's that simple? No, that can't be it".

One thing spoke to me so powerfully - this simple statement:

"Rest is our greatest weapon"

As easy as it is to say these five words, to know and take heart, thats a different level. Graham Cooke's sermon on rest really challenged me. I started questioning myself. Really - why am I worrying so much when I have a God that has everything taken care of? Is anything too hard for the Lord? Often, I am guilty of belittling God. Limiting His power and love in my life. Honestly, we receive the love we think we receive and I've been guilty of thinking that God will never love me as much because of (endless list of flaws). Telling Him, "Hey, my day is going to be pretty busy today, and I'm going to pray and do my devotions - but I'm going to strive to make sure I get through the day. And uhm, if you want to help you can, but it's going to be a busy day, okay God? So bye", "See you when I'm exhausted and weary from my busy day". And then at the end of the day I find myself asking, "Where was God during my bad/busy days"? Naive. So blinded by the fact that i've left Him aside, forgotten that He was right there, next to me.

And yet, God is so ever ready to open His arms wide again - to assure me that He is glad i've come to realise that his love is unconditional. His grace is all deserving and His power knows no bounds. And yes, we may limit Him when the waves of life come crashing Him, but that doesn't mean He is actually limited in anything, we just think He is. And oh, what a wonderful God we serve. That allows us to come just as we are, with our flaws and impure love and filthy hearts.

I will never begin to understand that, but I believe it is real. And I want to live like that - knowing I am loved and God's grace will never let  me go. I went to lifegroup on Thursday (after yet another hectic week) and Chris, my LG leader shared about how he had a pretty intense week but He chose Jesus. He chose not to worry. In the end he didn't look tired out or anything, God's grace sustained him. Wow, to hear and witness testimonies from people my age - that's something. LG has been opening my eyes to see how God works in the lives of people my age. I've heard testimonies after testimonies. Jesus has worked in radical ways. Despite the similar struggles we all face as students, God remains the same, yet so personal to each and everyone of us. I want a significant relationship with God. One thats not built based on obligations but one that recognizes that by delighting in God alone, we claim our territory and let God into our everyday lives. Better yet, we kick the enemy's stronghold, throw away worries and anxieties. Before we know it, we have our greatest weapon: REST!

And a little bit about the actual conference. The Friday of the conference Kenah texted me. He told me that he had extra overflow tickets - a ticket cost $69 (overflow) $90 (normal). And I thought about it for the longest time, then I finally decided, hey, he offered, guess I'll just go. And so, I am so grateful to Kenah really, for not forcing us, but actually giving us the option to go. Thankful to these two really. They treat me like their own little sister. Love them to the bits (picture 8) I got to hang out at Hannah's place for the night with a bunch of girls from LG. One of them, Rachel (picture 7) is an art/portrait major. Its so cool how she painted during worship, the picture shows some of the paintings she worked on throughout fullness. (picture 5&6) This super cool burger/bar place Kenah took us. He paid for our burgers, it was so good! The place was pretty neat too. We spent the break talking and getting to know Laura. (picture 1) is on Saturday - when Kenah cooked for us dinner and we all hung out at his place.

So, the picture with the Bethel guys? Well. I totally had a crush on the keyboardist, haha he was so good looking! And on the last day I told myself I need a picture with him, or anyone in the band for Tiff (< super big fan of Bethel). But I had not guts. Ya. I went up to the beard guy , told him my sister is singing Bethel songs in Malaysia. And there, awkward picture for you! I was kinda bummed since they were leaving for tour immediately after this service. We chilled and waited for everyone to gather to go home. And I was heading towards the toilet area when Jeremy Riddle and Mr Cute Keyboardist walked towards me!!! I was thrilled. Totally jumped at the chance and asked for a picture. Conveniently, Pabel was there and the Cutie thought I wanted a picture with Jeremy only, I had to convince him to be in it lol. But it was all worth it! We drove home and they were next to us. It wa so funny but :) :) what a wonderful few days. really.


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Thank you Jesus, for never failing to amaze each day.